Delany delivers

Hey, Dana Delany. What happened to your pants? Not that I’m complaining. Nope, not complaining at all. You see, me and Dana go way back. So I feel perfectly comfortable ribbing her about her pantlessness. Also, hello, cleavage.

Dude, since when have More magazine covers been this sexy? Am I browsing the wrong magazine age bracket? And it’s just as saucy inside. The article’s revelations:

The 54-year-old actress has always dreamed about being a man. And not just any man, but George Clooney. (The better to get all the ladies with, naturally.) OK, she says the real reason is because he is a “he’s a responsible human being who loves his life.” Though, truth be told, at age 9 she sort of looked like a boy. Also, did you know her great-grandfather invented the Delany Flush Valve for toilets. And she went to Wesleyan.

There is also, and I kid you not, a paragraph in the article that begins, “Ah, Delany’s big breasts.” Then in her next quote she uses the word “orgasm” not once, but twice. Seriously, why did no one tell me about More magazine before?

Finally, did you know Dana rents out the guesthouse at her West LA home? Why can I never find landlords like this?

Oh, Dana. As a person who thinks of military choppers and Army scrubs whenever “Reflections” by Diana Ross & the Supremes comes on, it cheers my heart to see Dana doing (and of course looking) so well. I had a Florence Nightingale-level crush on Dana in my early teens thanks to “China Beach.”She was so capable, yet so sensitive as Nurse Colleen McMurphy. I still get a little chill each time I hear the theme song.

So then, imagine my delight when she popped up as a power lesbian senator on “The L Word.” And, of course, imagine my delight at her lesbian relationship in “Desperate Housewives.” While I don’t watch the show, I certainly watch clips.

Granted, that clip seems to be mostly about Dana admiring Julie Benz’s breasts. But I’ll take it. And for once, no lesbian was hurt, killed, dumped or disappeared into the parking lot of no return at the end of this storyline. They went to gay Paris. Where, I am sure, they will live happily ever after admiring each other’s considerable, um, assets. Sheesh, see what happens when you read More magazine? Mind straight in the gutter. Happy hump day, indeed.