Tank Top Tuesday

You know how that Tuesday after a vacation can be even worse than the Monday after a vacation because Tuesday is the day it actually sets in that, “Dammit, I’m really going to have to be here all week.” So, naturally, I’ve turned to tank tops to soften the blow. Oh, tank tops. You never fail me.

Maria Bello

I don’t love the promos for “Prime Suspect,” but I do love Maria. So, you know, sold.

Heather MorrisI am suddenly irrationally jealous of that volleyball net, and that pole. Possibly the sand.

Lynn ChenSure, we’re all still in love with Michelle. But of course we fell for Lynn, too. She taught us to fall, after all.

Gillian AndersonScully is working on her fitness. Your argument is invalid.

Rashida JonesIf I promise to keep posting pictures of Rashida in a tank top, will you promise to watch “Parks and Recreations?”

Katie McGrathYou can’t really see much of her tank top here. I’m surprisingly OK with that.

Annie LennoxThat amount of cool should be bottled and sold in stores.

Missy PeregrymI have long forgotten the plot of “Stick It,” but I will never forget those abs.

Joanne KellyHave you ever wondered what a young Agent Myka Bering would look like in a tank top by a campfire? Well, now you know.

Just my type

I’ve never really been the kind of person to have a “type.” I like the infinite variations and unique particularities that makes each woman so different and so delightful. Red hair. Blonde hair. Pale skin. Mahogany skin. Green eyes. Brown eyes. Why choose just one when you can have the rainbow? But it seems, at least for the time being, I’m going through a very definite phase. I can’t tell if it’s one of these, well, passing things. Or if it’s here for good. Because right now I’m in a serious dark-haired, impossibly cheekboned, deliciously accented women of the United Kingdom phase. I’m not entirely sure how this phase got started. I mean, we all dabble in college. But it’s safe to say my phase is now a full-blown obsession. It seems every new star I’ve developed quick, complete crushes on of late has been one of these dark-haired, impossibly cheekboned, deliciously accented women of the UK. While I’ve already confessed at length to my Anglophia before, this is a very specific kind of Anglophilia. So while I still am reluctant to say I have a type, I’ll admit that the next dark-haired, impossibly cheekboned, deliciously accented woman of the UK who walks my way will definitely get a head swivel. And then some.

Hayley AtwellI had absolutely no interest in seeing “Captain America.” And then, Hayley happened. She is also, you might remember, the actress Emma Thompson almost got in a row with producers about because they wanted her to lose weight. Anytime Emma Thompson almost comes to fisticuffs over you, well, you know you’re something special.

Heather PeaceHot cop is hot. End of discussion.

Katie McGrathI cannot even put into words how attractive I find Katie. I almost have to stop myself from stroking the screen each time I see her. I just want to touch her face. And, um, possibly other stuff.

Pippa MiddletonI know, I know. Laugh if you must. But once I saw Hot Sister in That Dress at The Wedding, I was a goner. Because, while I am also not a butt girl either, dayum.

Marsha ThomasonThey should give Marsha more occasion to use her real accent on White Collar. They must.

Lara PulverShe played Sookie’s fairy godmother (yes, really, her fairy godmother) on “True Blood.” I can’t be the only one who thinks she looks like a dark-haired Jodie Foster, right?

Lena HeadeyClearly, Lena is not a new girl crush for me. But my God, her face – her magnificent, magnificent face.

I take everything back. Lena is my type. Exactly, totally, 100 percent my type. So, you know, dibs.

p.s. Keep in mind, kittens, these are all new or newish crushes (with the exception of permanent crush, Lena). I have so, so many long-standing crushes on other dark-haired, impossibly cheekboned, deliciously accented women of the UK. So many.

Vacation Vixen: Katie McGrath & Angel Coulby

Yep, I totally ’ship it. Oh, “Merlin,” now if you’d made them a couple that would be magic.

Perfect 10

Now, to be perfectly honest, I’m normally somewhat opposed to the ranking of women solely by attractiveness. Very often, no good comes of it except scantily clad pictures of women in what will soon be sticky pages of a glossy magazine. Like I was saying, no good. But, in the spirit of representing all kinds of attractiveness, particularly from a gay sensibility, and in the spirit of listmaking, because who doesn’t love a list, I’m going to share my votes for uber hotties in this year’s AfterEllen.com Hot 100.

1. Tina FeyIf you don’t know the reasons by now, I’m going to have to assume you just haven’t been paying attention.

2. Lena HeadeyI cannot resist a sexy scowl. And no one scowls sexier than Lena, especially when she follows it up with that crooked little smile. I am a goner, baby goner.

3. Padma LakshmiIn one of my versions of heaven, I get to watch Padma lick food off her fingers for all of eternity.

4. Jodie FosterYour first lady crush is always your longest.

5. Kate WinsletI think, if at all possible, Kate keeps getting more exquisite with age. I expect add her to my personal Hot 100 from now until we’re all finally driving those flying cars we’ve been promised.

6. Olivia WildeI think Megan Fox’s greatest contribution to society so far has been the universal acknowledgment that Olivia is so hot that mountain oxen everywhere better watch the fuck out.

7. Meryl StreepSee my Kate Winslet reasoning, times 1,000.

8. Tilda SwintonWords cannot adequately describe why or how viscerally I am attracted to Tilda. Though if forced at gunpoint to sum it up in under two words I would have to go with “the hair.”

9. Jennifer BealsIn another of my versions of heaven, Jennifer bosses me around while wearing one of her Alpha Bette power suits.

10. Katie McGrathI don’t even really watch “Merlin,” but every time I happen upon it I have to stop and marvel at the unmitigated gorgeous that is Katie McGrath. She is my most recent obsession, rendering me weak and wobbly with her delicious pale skin, dark hair combo pack. Also, girl can handle a sword.

So, let’s see your lists. Objectification is so much more fun when you share the results. Don’t forget to cast your vote by Friday.

Tank Top Tuesday

So even though it may seem like all I ever do is sit on my ass on the couch and watch TV, this is amazingly not actually the case. To be sure, I watch a lot of television. But I don’t watch everything. Now I feel downright righteous about some of non-watching stands. Still other shows make me feel downright bad about not watching. To atone for my guilt, I’d like to offer up my thank you for the lovely actresses involved. A few more tank tops like this and I’ll have to go on a series DVD renting spree of epic proportions. Good thing I like my couch.

Grace Park, Battlestar GalacticaYes, I still have never watched BSG. Please don’t tell anyone or the Geek Police will surely come to my house and arrest me for crimes against nerdiness.

Evangeline Lilly, LostThis being the final season and all, it seems ridiculous to start. Also ridiculous? A smoke monster.

Anna Paquin, True BloodI love vampires. I love Alan Ball. I have no idea why I’m not watching this show.

Chloe Sevigny, Big LoveNow this one I don’t feel quite as bad about. I mean, even Chloe said last season was “awful.”

Jessica Stroup, 90210I never watched the original either.

Blake Lively, Gossip GirlI know this show is a guilty pleasure, just not for me (sorry, Heather).

Billie Piper, Dr. WhoEvery time I happen on this show I feel two distinct things: 1) Lost and 2) Like if I wasn’t lost I’d really be enjoying myself.

Katie McGrath, MerlinSyFy had a marathon over the weekend. I had to stop to see why Rachel Weisz’s doppelganger/younger sister was running around with knights and wizards.

Stana Katic, CastleReally, I should watch just to support Captain Tight Pants. I’m a bad Whedonite.

Toni Collette, United State of TaraI have shamefully never watched. But I have the entire second season sitting on my desk. So, you know, that’s going to change.

p.s. No, really, the second season. It's a screener. Jealous?