Look, “Glee,” I’m excited about the “Rocky Horror” episode next week as anyone. I am ready to Time Warp all up in this business. But I was not prepared for a horror of another kind. What is happening in this GQ photoshoot? I understand that all parties involved are, in fact, above the legal age of consent and therefore this photo isn’t technically underage. But, doesn’t it look underage? And isn’t that the nod and wink they’re trying to convey by it being set in a high school. Of course, it’s no surprise the shot was done by perennially plaid-shirted and bespectacled hipster photographer Terry Richardson. He gives almost all his shoots an uncomfortable, bad 70s porn feel. But what is supposed to be hot here is just, well, creepy.
So creepy that it is making me feel weird/wrong/worried about getting arrested just by looking at these pictures. In fact, I feel my only recourse other than finding some sort of industrial memory erasing soap with which to scrub out my brain is to rate the pictures on an “EWWW”-Factor scale from 1 to 10, 10 being something involving sex dice, riding crops and your grandparents.
The first person to Photoshop Cory out of this picture and replace him with Heather Morris or Naya Rivera gets a cookie. Watch where you put those hands, young man. Well, at least Lea is touching Dianna. But my Faberry fantasies are a strictly two-person only affair. In other words: Go away forever, Finn!Ewww-Factor: 8
Really, a sucker? Really? How original. Why didn’t they just give her a banana to suck on? Though, I wish the photo was a little higher resolution so I could tell what that tattoo was of.
Ewww-Factor: 6
Speaking of tattoos, I really wish this picture was bigger so I could see what was written on Dianna’s side. And, yes, I kind of wish there was a stiffer breeze in that auditorium.Ewww-Factor: 4 (Two of those points are all me, by the way.)
OHMYGODMYEYESWHATNOSTOPSERIOUSLYATLEASTCLOSEYOURMOUTHORLEGSORBOTHWHATNOSTOP!Ewww-Factor: 300
What is seen cannot be unseen. I’ll be needing that cookie now. And a Silkwood shower.
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