It gets Glee

I know it’s only the second episode, but man is “Glee” better or what? Look, I’ve always loved “Glee.” For all its flaws, and there were many, it still made me grin and glow and generally feel giddy with its best of intentions every week. Also its jazz hands, I’m a sucker for jazz hands. But there have been problems. Continuity. Characterization. Crazy-ass storylines. And then they went and got themselves a real roomful of writers and promised to do better. And, if last night’s episode is any indication, they have. It got better.

First, we’ve got continuity. Quinn’s pregnancy – yeah, it happened and there was a real baby and real repercussions and real feelings. Who thought that storyline was every coming back after last season? Shelby returns. Puck is more than a haircut. The music serves the story. It’s so, well, refreshing.

And then there’s Brittany. Sure, she’s always funny. But making her just an empty-headed dumb-dumb wasn’t. Now she’s still Brittany, but with all that heart and the undeniable wisdom that brings. She’s adorably clueless, but not stupid. That’s important. It’s so, well, refreshing.

Finally, the characters are actually driving the story. Not the special guest stars (though Idina Menzel was indeed very special), or the musical numbers extravaganzas (though they were extravagant, they made sense) or the After School Special Messages (though I would have killed to have a unicorn-themed after school special growing up). It was the characters that made this episode so good. Kurt’s desire to be seen as more than The Gay. Puck’s desire to be more than a deadbeat dad. Finn’s desire to be a better dancer, and ambivalence about leaving Lima. Rachel’s desire to be, you know, Rachel. And best of all, none of this is seems to be happening in a vacuum like before, never to be mentioned again. It’s so, well – you know. REFRESHING.

Now I know the Achele/Faberry fans may not necessarily agree, but making Quinn the villain this season is pretty fucking brilliant. Because that means she is the one with the big redemption storyline this season as well. Also, Dianna Agron is delicious when she is bad – even without the pink hair.

Don’t worry, I didn’t forget Brittana. Sure, it’s moving slowly. But it’s moving. And it feels natural. The sweetness, the respect. OK, fine, I too screamed “NOW KISS!” at my screen. But I’ll take more of this any day over the whiplash characterizations we sometimes saw last season. And Kurt Locker is a very worthy addition to the Brittana Locker Chronicles.

You’re damn right she’s the unicorn, or bi-corn. Welcome back, “Glee.” I’m starting to believe in your magic again. Oh, and Brittany S. Pierce for President, y’all.

Back beat

At last, our long national nightmare is over. “Glee” is back. Kidding, kidding. I’m not that crazy. But, I won’t lie – I did miss me some “Glee” this summer. For all of its silliness, continuity issues, gay-girl storyline blue balling and the rest, this damn show still makes me smile like an idiot each week. And, with a full writing staff for the first time and a repeated promise to go “back to basics,” perhaps this season could finally reign in the series’ promise and deliver something that is consistently gleeful. Baring that, can Brittany and Santana please, please, please have a sweet lady kiss. Do not make all us Brittana shippers go go all Kanye meme and scream “Ryan Murphy doesn’t care about lesbians!” at our TVs.

But when those kids sing and dance, I can’t help it – my heart does a little flip. Or perhaps that heart palpitation is being caused by the return of the Cheerio streamer skirts. Brittany and Santana dancing together on tabletops? Hello, fan-fiction sprung to life.

Despite the new school year, “Glee” has already returned to some of its old ways. Like its insane habit of releasing 1,000 preview/clips before the actual episode. Though, when it’s as pretty in pink as Quinn returning to the hallways of McKinley High, you will hear not even the smallest peep of complaint from me. (WARNING: Spoilers for the first episode and also likely to cause an immediate Dianna Agron Sex Riot.)

Right. So. Yeah. Hello, “Glee” Season 3 – my body is ready.

I've gotta Glee

OK, I admit it. I miss “Glee.” It has been gone for so long now. It’s been three whole months and there are still more than three weeks until it’s back. Sure, there were fun “Glee” diversions this summer. Dianna Agron wore that T-shirt that made the world (i.e. every single tumblesbian) explode. Naya Rivera and Heather Morris shared an on-stage kiss. The “Glee” movie bombed – despite the glory that was Heather and Naya gyrating in 3D. And we learned that basically the entire cast was definitely leaving after this season, or definitely not leaving, or getting a spin-off, or never getting a spin-off. In other words, same Ryan Murphy, different shit.



Since they released the first new promo for Season 3,I’ve felt the pang. I miss those adorable Glee kids, I really do. I have no idea what this season will bring. If the addition of the show’s first real writing staff (including two real, live women – one a lesbian even) will make a difference for the better. We can only hope that it does. But regardless, what I miss are the actors and their characters themselves. What is indisputably the hardest-working cast in Hollywood (they sing, they dance, they act, they go on tour) is what makes the show for me. And, of course, The Gay. Man, I miss The Gay. Give us Brittana and Faberry, Season 3, or give us a death by slushie. Though, even if they don’t, there are always the shipper vids. We love you, shipper vids.

p.s. Murder is bad. But Google sure is helpful.

Monday Monday Monday

Kittens, I say this every year, but I think I’m too old to party three days in a row for Pride. In fact, I know it. My body won’t stop yelling it at me this morning. But, still, totally worth it. Though, I made the rookie mistake of leaving my watch on while out in the sun and festivities all day yesterday. So I’ve got awesome screw-on hands today. Other fun things that happened at Pride? New York passed gay marriage. Equality is the best reason to party, period. I met Tegan & Sara. They were casually selling merchandise at the Revel & Riot booth all day. It was fun to watch the wave of recognition as the gay ladies passed by. Oh, wait, are they…HOLY CRAP. I also met my very talented AfterEllen colleague Lindsey Byrnes. Super cool gal who is excellent at finding funnel cakes. And, let’s see what else? Cocktails. Dancing. Rainbows. You know, the usual. But because of that I’m a wee bit exhausted today. So in lieu of a full post, please enjoy 10 minutes of everyone’s favorite closet lesbian and straight-up bitch Santana Lopez doing what she does. Can you believe I only saw one “Lesbanese” T-shirt all weekend? Hope you all had a happy Pride, too. Now, who else wants a nap?

Live Glee Girls

I’ll tell you one thing, you can’t say those “Glee” kids don’t work hard for their fame. They film an hour-long TV show, which in itself is a lot of work. But on this hour-long TV show they are also required to learn and sing songs, learn and execute choreography and, of course, learn and perform their lines each week. And then, when the season is over, they don’t get off to Aruba like most celebrities for three months of uninterrupted strawberry daiquiri sipping on a private island. No, instead they go out on tour for almost two months. And going on tour requires they sing songs, learn choreography and perform their asses off night-after-night in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of screaming fans. I hope these guys are getting paid overtime and then some because that is a lot more work than the average TV star puts into his or her profession. Oh, and did I mention the tour is also going to be turned into a 3D movie? Seriously, by the time they leave “Glee” I hope every single cast member has made enough money to buy his/her own private island.

“The Glee Live! In Concert!” (their exclamation points, not mine), kicked off on Saturday in Las Vegas. It’ll run until July 3 (ending with dates across the pond for you UK Gleeks). And already there are breathless reports from fans about who danced when to what. And video, lots of delightfully shaky, enthusiastically joyous video. And, because I care, I’m happy to share them with you without even charging a service fee.

Heather Morris, “Slave 4 U”

My life can now be split into two distinct categories: 1) Times when I am watching Heather Morris dance and I am happy, and 2) Times when I am not.

Naya Rivera, “Valerie”

She ran, backwards, in heels. Also, don’t think I didn’t see you checking out Naya’s ass there, Heather.

The Cast, “Born This Way”

Naya wore the Lebanese shirt. And black knee socks. And tiny, tiny, tiny shorts.

Right, so, clearly in the interest of supporting these hard-working actors and allowing them to continue to practice their craft, I must now buy a ticket to this show.

It’s about the appreciating the arts, people – not seeing those tiny, tiny, tiny shorts in person. Ahem.

Glee like me

You know what I like about those plucky “Glee” kids? They seem to be, by all anecdotal appearances, really good to their fans. Like not just sign-a-few-autographs-while-being-whisked-into-a-nightclub good. But genuinely both interactive and involved good. I think part of it is because they’re young, and their fans are young. And part of it is because they embrace the various technologies and social medias to share themselves with fans – like Twitter and Tumblr. And part of it is because, not too long ago, most of them were just fans too. By and large, it’s a rag-tag group of newcomers who by joining this crazy show about a high school glee club have been catapulted into an insane echelon of fame. I mean, Chris Colfer is just three years out from graduahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifting from high school in a little town outside of Fresno. FRESNO. So when they interact like fans, and sometimes even act like fans themselves of their show and experience, it feels authentic.

So then this little tidbit from The Hollywood Reporter issue on “Glee” particularly struck a chord:

[Lea Michele] is supposed to be on set with her cast, but insists that the little [10-year-old] girl with two fathers wait for her outside the auditorium. Once there, Michele wraps her delicate arms around the girl and asks her about the experience. “How do you feel in school? What did you tell them?” she asks, visibly touched by her character's impact. “You're cool now; you’re like Rachel Berry,” she says to the nodding fan, adding, “I’m so proud of you.”

What has impressed me most is how they’ve welcomed their fans, many of whom are members of some of the very same outsider groups they portray on screen – gays, minorities, theater geeks, you name it. They also seem to understand the import of portraying those groups on screen. From Colfer to Naya Rivera and Heather Morris, the actors take the responsibility seriously and are in fact honored to do so. Just like Lea, they’ve embraced it with open arms. There can be a lot to complain about on “Glee,” but the cast has never been one. (Fine, they need to give Matthew Morrison more to do than stare creepily at the kids while they sing. But you know what I mean.)

UPDATE: This post got mysteriously swallowed by Blogger during its 20+ hour outage and then regurgitated without your previous comments. So I apologize if they vanished. Sometimes, I guess, the series of tubes just gets cranky.

Lebanese for Life

Let us talk, for a moment, about the improbable wonder that is Santana Lopez. Who, in their wildest, craziest, naughtiest dreams, would have ever imagined that the super bitchy sidekick cheerleader would become the character undergoing the most personal growth this season? Who would have guessed that the apparent one-trick insult pony would become a complex, textured and ultimately incredibly interesting person whose story matters? Who would have thought, when we first met her of so many, many months ago, that Santana would be here? A closeted lesbian in love with her best friend and becoming the beard for a closeted football player while coming to terms with her sexuality. Or, as Santana herself put it: “The only straight I am is straight-up bitch.” If you said you knew all along it would come to this, my friend, you are totally lying.

But come to this it has and wondrous it is. While no show can have something for everyone, “Glee” has gotten pretty damn close. You’ve got the traditional straight love triangle couple (Rachel-Finn-Quinn), the unconventional couple (Puck & Lauren), the adult couple (Will & Emma), the Asian couple (Tina & Mike), the differently abled/differently intelligent couple (Artie & Brittany), the gay couple (Kurt & Blaine) and now even the beard couple (Santana & Karofsky). That’s a lot of crazy couplings.

But the couple we’re rooting for, against the odds and against expectations, is Brittany and Santana. Sure, we love how sweet Kurt & Blaine are together. Sure there are probably Team Edward/Team Jacob-worthy battles over Finchel or Fuinn (I’m guessing, I don’t know what the straight kids are into these days). And, fear not, I love me some Achele. But the Brittana arc is epic. It’s the kind of messy, not always pretty coming out that isn’t fit for just one very special episode. Is it Shakespeare? Heavens no. But it’s engaging and unexpected, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for almost anything Mr. Shue has done all season.

And while we’re at it, can we get an “Amen” and “Hallelujah” for the extraordinary work Naya Rivera has done this season as Santana. The ability to drop one liners and WTF faces is one thing, the ability to make us care and break our hearts is entirely another. Naya has given Santana scope. She isn’t just the girl who will cut you with her razor blade words or hair. She’s a person whose world has boiled over with the complicated brew of trying to figure herself out. It’s pretty fascinating and I can’t wait to see how it all plays out. But without Naya, it would be nothing. I know Lea gets all the big heartbreak ballads, but it’s Naya who has truly given this season its aching heart.

So thank you, Santana Lopez. You’re my favorite closeted lesbian/judgmental bitch. And while you might not be ready to eat jicama or get a flattop, just keep wearing that Lebanese t-shirt with pride. We’ll get you to an Indigo Girls concert yet, honey.

p.s. See the entire Brittana saga via locker scenes today over at Ms. Snarker Regrets.

p.p.s. Get your very own “LEBANESE” T-shirt here, courtesy Heather. The entire $2 Café Press markup will be donated to PFLAG. (Kurt would be so proud.) And get 15% off using the promo code “SPRUNG” through Thursday.

p.p.p.s. I really don’t have anything else to add, but isn’t Naya adorably evil in her Davy Crockett hat?

You're a loser, baby

The thing about being a geek is you don’t know how to be popular. You’re a geek, how could you? So if all of a sudden you do become popular, things are bound to go awry. And no, I did not learn this from every teen movie in the 80s where a nerdy boy bought the affection of a popular girl only to have disastrous results follow. OK, that’s a lie, I got all of that from “Can’t Buy Me Love.” But I do have my own certified geek credentials. In high school, and this is a true story, I was floored when it was announced over the PA system that I’d been voted onto Winter Court. What? Me? I’m the shy, nerdy kid who never cuts class and always takes copious notes. But then I learned it was the one formal court voted on my teachers instead of students. So, there you go. Geek.

All this is a long and windy way of saying that “Glee” is that geek. “Glee” is the misfit who became popular overnight and then couldn’t handle her shit. It started as the outsider, the scrappy underdog with a heart full of dreams and a face full of Slushee. But then something happened. It became a hit. It was the star athlete and homecoming queen and beloved valedictorian all rolled up into one. Sitting at the cool kids table all of a sudden does things to you. Your head swells. Your personality changes. So then came big egos and bigger production numbers. More instead of better. You got standalone episodes about Brittany Spears and Lady Gaga and Madonna. And that’s all fine and good for some fun. Heck, I sung along. But they didn’t actually move the story along, unless learning that all the Glee Club members have similar fever dreams about Britney when under sedation.

But these last two episodes. Wow. They’ve actually moved the story forward and developed the characters and allowed coherent narratives to develop. Wait, am I watching the right show? Quinn telling Rachel that Finn is not her future? That made sense. Blaine realizing how special Kurt was? That made sense. Santana being hurt and confused by Brittany’s refusal? That made sense. The Glee kids finding inspiration in Sue’s bullying to write their own song. Even that made sense. This is what “Glee” should be and is about. The misfits who find strength in each other. The cruelty that can come when you are different. The never-ending struggle to feel special. This is what made me fall in love with “Glee.” OK, that and the dancing.

And, dammit, how catchy is “Loser Like Me?” So damn catchy. And it’s everything the show stands for. Getting pushed down, but getting back up. Fine, it was also tinged with a healthy dose of the Revenge of the Nerds. See you when you wash my car? Ouch. Also, I can’t in good grammatical conscience approve of the "I can only be who I are” line. But, that aside, all of the original songs from “Hell to the No” (snort!) and “Trouty Mouth” (snort squared!) were great fun. Sure, those lyrics were silly – but intentionally so. Perhaps this is what “Glee” needed all along. To tap into its own emotions instead of lip syncing someone else’s experience. In finding its voice, Glee also finally found its footing.

p.s. Speaking of Brittana (stop trying to make Santittany happen, Fox), pop over to AfterEllen later today for some juicy spoilers. If Brittany just looking at Santana makes her forget her locker combination, you know there’s more to come. That look, kittens. That look.

And a child shall lead them

Gay teens on TV are kicking the ass of gay adults on TV right now. Like, it’s a serious beat down. No contest. Throw in the towel, grownups. In the past week alone, lesbian storylines on “Glee” and “Pretty Little Liars” have struck a resounding chord with gay viewers young and old.



Watch Santana’s plaintive plea to Brittany: “Please say you love me back. Please.” Didn’t you flash back to the first time you handed someone your exposed heart and asked them to be gentle? Or look at Paige’s confession to Emily: “If I say it out loud, if I say I’m gay – the whole world is gonna change.” Remember when speaking those words seemed like the end of the world as you knew it?



These moments, these confessions – they’re as close to universal as it gets for the GLBT community. Sure, we all have differing ways out, ways in, first loves, last loves. But we’ve all had (or will have, youngsters, take heart) the first time we were finally brave enough to tell someone we loved them and hoped desperately they’d love us back. And we all had the worry that simply admitting our undeniable truth would change everything forever. And it did, but for the better.

The thing about the gay teens on TV right now – from Brittany and Santana to Emily and Paige to Kurt and Blaine and even poor dear Tea – is that, like it or not, their stories feel honest. They’re about discovery and heartbreak, confusion and acceptance. They’re not about just the static afterschool moment: See Jane. See Jane become gay. They’re about what it’s like day in, day out – especially at the start. There’s no perfect way to be gay or come out or understand yourself. Life has no script, yet we all still fumble our lines. So the complexity of their experiences, it’s important to see on TV. It helps people. It helps me even today.



Entertainment Weekly recently wrote about the gay teen revolution on TV and it’s true, there are more than before. But it’s not just that there are more gay teens on TV all of a sudden. It’s that there are more gay teens acting like real gay teenagers on our TV all of a sudden. This isn’t about sweeps month kisses or ripped-from-the-headlines storylines. They’re not just there to jazz things up for an episode or two. They’re in it, we hope, for the long haul.

Certainly, there have been good gay teen characters on TV before. Rickie Vasquez on “My So-Called Life.” Jessie Sammler on “Once and Again.” Willow Rosenberg on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Spencer and Ashley on “South of Nowhere.” And they’ve all made a difference. But to have so many right now, with so many varying experiences right, is kind of special.



The reason these teens are touching people, making a difference, mattering so much is because their stories are really everyone’s stories. When you’re older, truly universal moments are fewer and far between. We won’t all become pregnant lesbians (regardless of what TV writers seems to think). We won’t all become adoptive parents (or wear clown costumes at our child’s first birthday). We won’t all get married (or civil unioned, which, gosh doesn’t that sound romantic). We won’t all work for law firms or the FBI or cranky yet brilliant doctors. And unless I’m greatly mistaken about reality, none of us will become vampires. Sure, many of us will want those things (OK, perhaps not the vampire thing), but they won’t necessarily happen.



But aside from the tiny little difference of sexual orientation and the enormous difference of societal acceptance, we all – gay, straight and everything in between – go through adolescence. The teen experience will always be a more relatable. We all grow up. We all have firsts. We all stumble our way towards adulthood.

In the end, what we want from our gay characters – teen or otherwise – is simple. We want to see a little bit of ourselves, our lives, our loves. And, just as important, we want the world to see our lives and our loves and that in the end we really aren’t so different after all. Because if there’s one thing the entire universe can agree on, it’s that being a teenager sometimes really sucks. And then there are other times, even when it hurts, it’s beautiful.

Time makes you bolder

Glee gets so many things wrong. Continuity, consistent characterization, coherent plot progression, comprehensible Glee Club budgets. But when it gets things right, it gets them really right. And last night’s episode was all right when it came to gay teens. Not “all right,” like that pizza was all right – maybe I’ll have another slice. But “all right,” as in there was absolutely nothing remotely wrong with it. In fact, it may be one of my favorite “Glee” episodes ever because the characters were allowed to feel real emotions and have real conversations. This wasn’t about being quippy or snarky, but about how scary and exhilarating and painful it can be to examine the inner workings of your heart for the very first time.

This episode was a gift to gay teens, boys and girls. Kurt and his father’s frank talk about sex was something you don’t really see on American TV when it comes to straight kids, let alone gay ones. That confusion about figuring out what gay sex and sexuality is, that’s real – even in the age of the Internet. And then there was Santana’s heart-wrenching admission to both herself and Brittany that she loved her. These are two major gay storylines running in the same episode of a major primetime television show. This was a Joe Biden-worthy big fucking deal. Let’s be clear – this isn’t cable, this is broadcast. This isn’t a tiny show only the critics love, this is “Glee.” This is a program even your grandma knows exists.

I’m sure some of you are upset that Brittany turned down Santana – or at least turned her down for the time being. But that scene rang true – and that’s not something you can always say about “Glee.” It was a coming out – to oneself, to the person you love – that is like so many comings out. The trepidation. The confusion. The bravery. The vulnerability. It was the second please that said it all. When Santana finally put it all on the line: “Please say you love me back. Please.” That second please, that whisper, that prayer. It’s raw. Naked. Utterly defenseless. It’s the please we’ve all said before, a plea sent into the deepest depths of the universe. And if the answer isn’t “yes,” it seems the world simply cannot keep spinning. And if the answer is “yes,” but still somehow “no” – it seems like the world should go ahead and stop.

Certainly, you could argue that Brittany turning down Santana after it seemed all along that she was the one most interested in making their relationship something more was out of character. But to me it still felt honest. While not everything needs a label, if we must for the sake of expediency and clarity, I’d say that Brittany is probably more bisexual and Santana is probably more lesbian. But, again, what they really are is fluid, and that’s OK. There are gay men and lesbian women and bi men and bi women and trans folks and questioning people and everything else under the glorious rainbow in this big wide world. Showing the full spectrum isn’t problematic, it’s real life.

So then, Brittany saying she can’t be with Santana because of Artie also makes sense. She is already in a relationship. That doesn’t mean I have to like it and don’t not-so-secretly want to find a tall cliff to push him off of (his character, I’m not espousing actual homicide – yet). But she had made a commitment to him and doesn’t want to hurt him. My God, who hasn’t been on the receiving end of that speech? The important thing, the thing to cling to, is that Brittany loves Santana back. “I am so yours.”

Being gay can be really fucking confusing. If it’s not confusing for you, you’re lucky. It’s hard enough to find someone you love. And harder to find someone you love who loves you back. It’s even harder still when 90 percent of the planet doesn’t love the same way you love. And it’s hardest when you’re a teenager and you don’t know what it’s like to really love another person yet. So to see that struggle – not just about what it means to be gay, but what it means to be gay and lay your heart bare to another person – that matters.

Am I anxious to see how the writers handle Brittany and Santana’s relationship from here on out? Of course. I would be livid if they became yet another casualty of Glee’s gaping vortex of unresolved storylines. But I have to believe that the fact that they’ve even made it this far means there is more to come. Make no mistake, the fans made this relationship happen. I think the writers would have happily left them as a continuing in-joke. They would be a little sexy girl-on-girl aside to Kurt’s Major Gay Storyline, all caps. But Brittana fans demanded it, willed it out of love and tears and fanfic and endless hours on Photoshop.

Sure, I would have liked to have seen some sweet lady kisses in this episode, but to be honest, at this point I’d rather see complex processing of emotions. Yes, I realize that’s the most lesbian thing I think I’ve ever typed ever. But this just feels more like progress. And, never to be forgotten, are the wonderful, nuanced performances and tireless, wholehearted support of the actresses themselves. Naya Rivera and Heather Morris are the reason this ship left the dock in the first place.

Is this the happy ending we’ve been dreaming about? Well, clearly, no. But remember, every story has a beginning, a middle and an end. This is just the beginning of Brittana.

[Every Brittana scene from last night. Get your Kleenex.]

p.s. On a lighter note, I’d like to personally thank Gwyneth Paltrow for coining a new euphemism for lesbian sex: Go forth and get your Stevie Nicks on, ladies.

My Weekend Squee

At our darkest hour, when we were certain all hope was lost, on the brink of defeat, came hope. “Brittana is on. Brittana was always on.” So tweeteth “Glee” co-creator Brad Falchuk, so tweeteth us all. I have to say, when I saw this tweet come up in my feed last night, it took me a few seconds to comprehend what was being said. No, this wasn’t from a fan’s twitter account. No, this wasn’t wishful thinking. No, this wasn’t some sort of amazingly articulate pocket tweet. This is what’s happening. Brittana is happening. Praise Grilled Cheesus.

I like “Glee,” a lot. Sure it’s not a perfect show but it keeps the parts of my brain that love shiny things and the parts of my brain that love Jane Lynch happy. And then this flirty little relationship between Brittany and Santana caught my eye and found its way into a tiny crevice in my heart I didn’t realize needed filling. And so now I’m all in. I can’t help it. They’re adorable. I’m hooked. But like other Brittana fans, I found my devotion tested. Brittany and Artie? Santana and Sam? So many expletives. So many.

So now, just when I was ready to give up, a ray of light. Some are still skeptical about whether a show where characters are sometimes less developed than their dance moves will keep its promise. But I, for one, choose to keep the faith. This isn’t a wishy-washy statement of maybe, at some point, we’re considering it. This is on. So I’m going to be excited and save my anger for the if, not the when, any promises get broken. And I’m also going to be very thankful to the creators, writers and especially actors. If Naya Rivera and Heather Morris hadn’t been on board from the start, I doubt Brittana would have every happened. More open, positive and undeniable LGBT characters on TV are always a good thing. Bring it on, Brittana. Happy weekend, all.

A Glee Thang

I’ll admit it, I miss “Glee.” It’s like an hour-long vacation for the parts of my brain that process logic and rational thought each week. Instead it just stimulates the parts of my brain that like glittery and shiny things. So, yeah, I miss it. I like shiny things. Which is why I was so tickled to see the Funny or Die “Nuthin’ But a Glee Thang” video. It’s those adorably omnipresent Glee kids. And Sofia Vergara. And a blow-up Jane Lynch sex doll. And Heather Morris and Naya Rivera dancing together – closely. Enough talking, let’s cut to a music number!

OK, things I love.

1) Sofia saying “Comparing Jane with the rest of the cast is like comparing the Great Barrier Reef with a piece of dog shit. No offense, Heather. …. Heather is my favorite.” Also Sofia in a Sue Sylvester tracksuit. See, “Glee” fans and “Modern Family” fans can live together in peace.

2) Heather and her Jane doll. You could sell those and make a killing. I mean, I wouldn’t buy one. But other people. Yeah, other people.

3) HeYa together like this and like that and like this and uh. Also, when Heather says Naya and her are “like birds and bees” does that mean those birds and bees? Because, you know, thank you forever for that mental image.

Oh, “Glee.” I wish I knew how to quit you.

My Weekend Crush

Harvey Milk was right: You’ve gotta give ’em hope. Now, hope for shippers is an ephemeral thing. Here today, dashed tomorrow. Brittana fans have seen their hopes recently beaten nonsensically the big crazy rock that is Bartie (Barfie, more accurately). Wait, what? This Brittany and Artie thing is actually happening? I don’t. I can’t. Wait, what? Stop eating glitter, Ryan Murphy, and start making sense. But then Santana herself comes down from on high and gifts us with this.

Now, say what you will about the character of Santana (she is mean, she is promiscuous, she is calculating – and those are just the reasons I love her), but Naya Rivera has proven in her interviews and fan interactions to be a sweet, thoughtful and prodigiously talented young woman. She has encouraged and supported the LGBT fans who have showered love on the Brittana pairing. She has made no attempts to distance herself from the sexual fluidity of her character or her close off-screen friendship with co-star Heather Morris. She has even said that Brittany is really Santana’s soulmate, which seems to be apparent to everyone except the “Glee” writers themselves. Also, wow, is she ever easy on the eyes.

Granted, hoping two fictional characters on a television show where characters randomly break into choreographed song and hoping for full equality for all LGBT people may not seem on the surface like comparable dreams. But sometimes something small can matter in ways we can’t even quite understand ourselves. So thank you, Naya, for giving us hope. Thank you for making a million little lesbian hearts flutter with anticipation of your every cocked eyebrow, withering glare and intertwined pinkies. Thank you for your grace and your voice. We will keep dreaming about The Beckoning Finger and keep our fingers crossed for the rightful return of our favorite Queerios. Happy weekend, all.

Why don't you come on over

Now, the other day some of you seemed seriously perplexed at my lack of Brittana/Heya in the SGALGG co-workers post. But come on, kittens, you know I love me some Brittana. I mean I really, really love them. Like more than a person my age should. Like the breakdown of why I watch “Glee” is 50 percent Brittana, 40 percent Jane Fucking Lynch, 9 percent Kurt and 1 percent everyone else. Which, of course, is why this Brittany/Artie pairing (Bartie, or more accurately, Barfie) is starting to really piss me off. They make no sense – none. Brittany hit on Artie to make Santana jealous. Artie still likes Tina. Artie and Brittany have less than zero in common. Remember the no-no boobies finger? You only deny the ones you love. And how could we forget the intertwined pinky fingers? Never, that’s how. And then this episode gave us the all-powerful beckoning finger. Oh, Santana Lopez, what you can do with just one little finger.

[Hat tip, stace_ for finding The Beckoning gif!]

You know, I don’t expect a lot from “Glee.” I mean, I do I expect ridiculously elaborate musical numbers, out-of-nowhere character developments and the continued creepification of Mr. Shue. I watch it for fun and escapism and jazz hands, as I’ve said so many times before. But sometimes, just sometimes, I hope against hope that “Glee” can be more. It has done more, particularly with Kurt (though, come on guys, give that poor kid a boyfriend already). So why not let Brittana be that for the gals, too? Why force them into awkward and unnecessary straight pairings? I mean, Santana and Puck at least make a little sense. They’re both just hot and horny teenagers. But Brittany and Artie? That’s just a deliberate poke in the eye. Look, Ryan Murphy, I know you know that us gay ladies can be sustained on subtext alone for seemingly forever. We’re use to table scraps and sweeps month smooches. But that doesn’t mean that’s all you have to give us. We deserve more, so much more. Though, I am grateful for the ass slap.

Come on, Mr. Murphy, we’ve been very good this year. I think we deserve a big box of Brittana in our stocking this year.

Kiss this

Oh, Glee. You are like that crazy best friend who usually makes you do ridiculous things, but then sometimes surprises you with insights. That and who won’t stop singing. The thing about this show is it often makes no sense. It’s not about linear storytelling or realistic character development. But that doesn’t make it bad necessarily, it just makes it different. I enjoy Glee for specific reasons – unabashed escapism, fantasy fodder, jazz hands. Yet, in other ways it is the most sneakily subversive show on television. While it wears its outsider status proudly, it’s still just really an awkward gay kid struggling to make it through another day any way it can.

Its popularity makes it an easy target. But criticizing the show because of its lack of sophisticated narrative is like shooting fish in a barrel. Of course it doesn’t, that’s not the point. Does that drive a person crazy sometimes? Yes, like what kind of school allows a full-grown man and teacher to perform sexily alongside his underage students? Where is the money for their elaborate costumes keep coming from? Who plays the steel drums in high school? But we keep watching for the fabulosity and the unequivocal championing of the underdog. I’m not a fan of the “A Very Special Episodes” because I think the message is often too heavy handed. And, yes, parts of this week’s “powerful new Glee” were indeed heavy-handed and even cringe-worthy (all that girls like it when you’re mean to them stuff – really?) But parts were unexpected and, dare I say it, deeply moving.

A reviewer recently called Kurt Hummel the most important character on television right now, and he may well be right. While we’ll never be able to scientifically quantify the impact of seeing an out actor play an out high school student with the grace and power of Chris Colfer, make no mistake, it matters. It matters to a scared gay teen who gets tormented in the hallways every day. It matters to the gay adult who finally gets to see his or her adolescence replayed to them on the television. It makes a difference because we love Kurt, we hate his pain, we want things to get better.

The look on Kurt’s face when he sees the all-boys school utopia of tolerance? Heart melting. The look on Kurt’s face when his closeted bully slams him into the locker once again? Heartbreaking.

The homophobic bully who turns out to be a scared homosexual in particular was effective. Sure, it’s been done before. But as every scandal about a bigoted senator/pastor/whathaveyou who turns out to be secretly gay proves, often the roots of homophobia come from deep-seated self hatred.

In the episode’s secondary never-been-kissed storyline, poor Coach Beiste is everyone’s “cooler.” Dot Jones is lovely, bringing layers of sensitivity to what might otherwise be a one-note role. I actually wanted Mr. Shue to kiss her. She deserves it (in fact, she deserves better – Mr. Shue is kind of a tool).

The thing is, Glee needs to work on a lot of things. And there are a million storylines that make me want to go get a sandwich (Finn/Rachel, Sam/Quinn, and for the love of God, stop having Artie say “Yo!”) But when it gets things right, I’m proud to watch. Those leather pants the girls wore last night really didn’t hurt either. Also, Grilled Cheesus, do I love Brittana. (Much more on how much I heart them here.)

p.s. I reserve the right to take back everything I just said if Ryan Murphy puts Brittany and Artie together. I’m serious, I will burn the place down.

p.p.s. Dude, Kurt had 124 unread messages? He is worse than me.

Glee Gone Ewww

Look, “Glee,” I’m excited about the “Rocky Horror” episode next week as anyone. I am ready to Time Warp all up in this business. But I was not prepared for a horror of another kind. What is happening in this GQ photoshoot? I understand that all parties involved are, in fact, above the legal age of consent and therefore this photo isn’t technically underage. But, doesn’t it look underage? And isn’t that the nod and wink they’re trying to convey by it being set in a high school. Of course, it’s no surprise the shot was done by perennially plaid-shirted and bespectacled hipster photographer Terry Richardson. He gives almost all his shoots an uncomfortable, bad 70s porn feel. But what is supposed to be hot here is just, well, creepy.

So creepy that it is making me feel weird/wrong/worried about getting arrested just by looking at these pictures. In fact, I feel my only recourse other than finding some sort of industrial memory erasing soap with which to scrub out my brain is to rate the pictures on an “EWWW”-Factor scale from 1 to 10, 10 being something involving sex dice, riding crops and your grandparents.

Dianna Agron, Cory Monteith and Lea Michele

The first person to Photoshop Cory out of this picture and replace him with Heather Morris or Naya Rivera gets a cookie. Watch where you put those hands, young man. Well, at least Lea is touching Dianna. But my Faberry fantasies are a strictly two-person only affair. In other words: Go away forever, Finn!
Ewww-Factor: 8

Lea Michele

Really, a sucker? Really? How original. Why didn’t they just give her a banana to suck on? Though, I wish the photo was a little higher resolution so I could tell what that tattoo was of.
Ewww-Factor: 6

Dianna Agron

Speaking of tattoos, I really wish this picture was bigger so I could see what was written on Dianna’s side. And, yes, I kind of wish there was a stiffer breeze in that auditorium.
Ewww-Factor: 4 (Two of those points are all me, by the way.)

Lea Redux

OHMYGODMYEYESWHATNOSTOPSERIOUSLYATLEASTCLOSEYOURMOUTHORLEGSORBOTHWHATNOSTOP!
Ewww-Factor: 300

What is seen cannot be unseen. I’ll be needing that cookie now. And a Silkwood shower.

Sweet lady kisses

Sometimes I’m amazed a show like “Glee” makes it on to network TV at all. It’s not that we don’t deserve to see the subject matter (and jazz hands) that “Glee” broadcasts. It’s not that the subject matter is even terribly progressive (watch some British TV, it’ll remind you why the Puritans left in the first place). But it’s just that this is America, and we don’t like it when our teenagers are gay on TV. And we don’t really like it when our gay teenagers on TV have sex. And we really, really don’t like it when gay teenagers on TV talk about their sex as “scissoring” – partially because they then have to run to Urban Dictionary and look up scissoring.

Also, I have just two words to say on the whole Brittana situation: CAN. ON. Canon, baby. On screen, no ambiguity, totally scissoring, endless sweet lady kisses canon. I know it wasn’t much (but, come on, it was the only kissing in the episode), but it was total cake for people who have been scarfing up every single Brittana crumb since the beginning. Speaking of the beginning, who wants to reminisce?

Sex is not dating. Scissoring is not dating. Sweet lady kissing is not dating. Only wanting to make lady babies and singing “Come to my Window” is, apparently, dating. Or is that being in love? Oh, Santana. Denial is a long and winding river through your heart.

Speaking of denial, it has become impossible to deny that Brittany is not just experimenting. She isn’t just in a phase. She isn’t just promiscuous. Brittany is gay. She might be bi, she might be lesbian – but she is definitely not straight. Wanting to touch Coach Beiste’s boobs. Calling Brittany Spears hot. Telling Santana she is still mad at her, but she is still so hot. GAY. So gay. So, so, so gay. Also gay, that no-boobies-for-you gesture she gave Santana.

For all its flights of incredible (Where’d all these matching outfits come from when we have no budget?), unapologetic (Who needs plot when you have dancing?), irrational (Seriously, do these kids have any other classes?) fancy, what “Glee” has consistently gotten right is the gay thing. Kurt’s struggle, both the come out to his father and be the only out gay kid in the school, mirrors the experience of so many other gay teens. His triumph, week after week, is a promise to everyone watching that it really, really does get better.

Similarly, Brittany and Santana’s relationship (because that’s what it is even if you don’t want to admit it – cough, Santana, cough) also mirrors the relationship so many young women have with each other. You fall in love with your best friend. You fool around. You hope your best friend falls in love with you. You don’t label it. You do deny it. You go out with boys to cover it. You make each other jealous. You practice the Lady and the Tramp meatball nose roll on your own. Fingers crossed that Ryan Murphy The Universe allows those two crazy kids to end up together. They so are this show’s best OTP.

“Glee” can be ridiculous and nonsensical and totally lacking all semblance of a narrative storyline, but it is also super, fabulously, scissorifically gay. And for that I will always be thankful.

My Weekend Crush

You guys, I love Heather Morris. No, really, I love her. Brittany and Sue are in a death match for my heart on “Glee.” It’s like in those cartoons where one is an angel and another is a devil sitting perched on either shoulder and fighting for my soul. If it weren’t for those two I think I’d watch the show on mute until the musical numbers. But we all knew before “Glee” that Jane Lynch was something special, she was just never given the proper showcase until now for the rest of the world to come to the same conclusion. But with Heather, no one even knew she could act let alone steal every scene she is in.

By now Heather’s story reads like a Hollywood fairytale. She was the dancer who was brought in to teach the cast Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” dance (she did, after all, back up Queen B herself on stage) and then became a featured and beloved cast member. But thanks to Heather, Brittany isn’t just about getting the easy laugh for being the dullest crayon in the Crayola box. She also brings something entirely unexpected, a sweetness. I mean, come on, when Brittany clutched the little tell-me-where-the-bad-lady-touched-you doll on the way out the door in the premiere your heart had to melt a little. Brittany’s burgeoning sexuality (her interest in boobs, her interest in Santana) is the show’s sliest storyline. As for Brittana, hell yeah, you know I ship that.

And, sweet fancy Jesus, if that preview for the Britney Spears episode next week didn’t make you stop, drop and drool you might want to check for a pulse. Sweet and sexy. Damn, is it Tuesday yet? Happy weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday: Premiere Week Edition

Oh, premiere week, how I love you. It’s like Christmas and your birthday all wrapped up in a big bow and placed with love on the couch for you. What is hiding underneath the pretty wrappers? Something you’ll love? Something you’ll return? Something you’ll regift at the office holiday party next year. So far, Monday night belongs to Yvonne Strahovski (with a kick-ass assist from Linda Hamilton). “Chuck was the best thing I saw yesterday. As for the big “Hawaii Five-O” vs. “Chase” showdown, I’m somewhat underwhelmed with both. The big Five-O seems more like a potential gay boy Rizzoli & Isles with Alex O’Laughlin McGarrett and Scott Caan Danno bickering like an old married couple. Just wait until they both show off their abs and start making googley eyes at each other. Grace Park was quite nice, but I’m generally adverse to any show that only has one regular female character amid a sea of male ones. Call it my Bechdel Test for TV. As for “Chase,” it was pretty straight forward: Bad guys run, good guys chase them. Truth in advertising, I guess. I hope Rose Rollins gets to have more than two lines of dialogue per show.

Handicapping of the rest of the week, Tank Top Tuesday style.

TODAY

Lea Michele, Glee I am displeased to report that Rachel is still the same old Rachel in the second season premiere. Her voice sure sounds great, though.

Heather MorrisI am pleased to report that Brittany is the same old Brittany in the second season premiere. With more discussion of boobs.

Naya RiveraSantana’s boobs are also a hot discussion topic, though perhaps not how you’d expect.

Jane LynchThough, if it were up to me, we’d talk about Sue’s boobs. I knew something spectacular lurked beneath that track suit.

Keri Russell, Running Wilde“Running Wilde” is getting shitty reviews, but Felicity looks great.

WEDNESDAY

Sofia Vergara, Modern FamilyLet the ridiculous rolling of Rs commence.

THURSDAY

Amy Poehler, Parks & RecreationI really wish they’d bring this back now instead of midseason. I need my Tina/Amy punch like back in the Weekend Update days.

Alison Brie, CommunityI don’t watch this. This may be an error on my part.

Nina Dobrev, The Vampire DiariesI know, I know, you don’t watch. But, come on, she plays two characters. Double your pleasure, kittens.

Maggie Q, NikitaStill not entirely sure I’m sold yet. But there is running with a gun in a tank top. So it can’t be all bad.

Anna Torv, FringeI don’t know how I’m going to fit this in to my watch/DVR/stream schedule this season. But, dammit, if this doesn’t make me want to try harder.