Faking it

People can be awful. Really, truly, unrepentantly awful. While this is nothing new, the realization of how awful people can be particularly to members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning community is like a kick in the gut anew each time. Which, in turn, is exactly how I felt when I heard lesbian teen Constance McMillen was sent to a fake prom by her town.

You remember Constance, the 18-year-old lesbian student who asked her Mississippi high school if she could go to prom in a tux with her girlfriend. And instead of saying, “Of course, who loves dancing more than the gays?” her school said “Ewww, gay! No prom for ANYONE !” Lawsuits were filed, private proms were organized. And then Constance was finally invited to the parent-sponsored private event. But when she got there, only five other students were there. All the other students? They were far away from the gay at the “real” prom enjoying their night of throwing up in limos and potentially getting date raped.

Constance told The Advocate:

“They had two proms and I was only invited to one of them. The one that I went to had seven people there, and everyone went to the other one I wasn’t invited to….It hurts my feelings.”

And who chaperoned the fake prom? The principal and teachers. Classy, really classy.

Oh, and guess what? Among the seven students there were two with “learning difficulties.” Said Constance, “They had the time of their lives. That’s the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn’t have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom].”

Hey, that sounds kind of familiar. Who else was it that rounded up the queers and the people with developmental disabilities and society’s other “undesirables” and shipped them away from the rest of the “pure” world? I wonder if any Jewish kids go to Itawamba Agricultural High School, and if so which prom they got to go to. Just saying.

And if your blood isn’t boiling enough, some delightful townsperson has started a “Constance quit yer cryin” Facebook page. The first post: “Seriously, you've pretty much eff'd up your fellow classmate's best memory of High School.”

What, exactly, is wrong with people? Why are they so terrible and cruel, hateful and ignorant? What makes an entire town conspire to leave the gay kid out (and the learning disabled kids, too, for good measure)? Also, if we all scream the same expletive at the same time in the direction of Fulton, Miss. do you think they could hear us? Because I really, really want everyone who was part of this appalling stunt to hear us.

While it’s cold comfort now, history will prove these people for the shameful bigots that they are. All that rage doesn’t have to be impotent either. We can use it, focus it and fight even harder. People can be awful. But we can be better. We have to be.

CONTACT:

Itawamba County Schools Superintendent Teresa McNeece:

tmcneece@itawamba.k12.ms.us
662-862-2159 ext. 14

Itawamba Agricultural High School principal Trae Wiygul

twiygul@itawamba.k12.ms.us
662-862-3104

SUPPORT

Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition

ACLU LGBT Project

Let Constance Take Her Girlfriend to Prom Facebook Page

Constance’s prom may have been fake, but these people are real assholes.

UPDATE: One more way to speak out. Sign the HRC petition to say "I stand with Constance McMillen.”

My Weekend Crush

I didn’t go to my prom. There are several reasons for this including but not limited to I didn’t believe in them, I broke out into hives at the thought of wearing a fancy dress and I wasn’t asked. Instead, I drove around that night with a friend and said snarky things about the people who were in prom. I’m pretty sure we had more fun. But, even back then, I never begrudged anyone’s right to go to prom. And I feel the exact same way, if not more so, today. If you want to go to prom, you should get to go to prom.

Which, of course, leads me to the plight of Mississippi teenager Constance McMillen. By now you’ve hopefully heard her story. The 18-year-old Itawamba County Agricultural High School student made national headlines last week because she asked her school if she could wear a tuxedo and bring her girlfriend to the prom. I know! What year does she think this is? 2010? The school said no (they have a policy against same-sex dates at prom – since they rightfully know it’s actually 1910). Then Constance asked the ACLU to politely show them the correct date on the calendar. But instead of just letting her wear what she wanted and slow dance to Taylor Swift songs with whom she wanted, school administrators canceled the whole damn prom. That’ll show the gays! No one can dance now! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! [Insert hand-wringing and/or stroking of a white cat.]

Now that this sort of close-minded, intolerance still exists should not come as a surprise to anyone. But that more young people like Constance are standing up to it and not accepting inequality as a status quo anymore is inspiring. Constance didn’t just ask one person for permission and leave with her tail between her legs when she was told no. She went to the vice principal, to the principal, to the district attorney, to the superintendent and ultimately to the school board. Then she contacted the ACLU. And now the ACLU has filed a lawsuit in an attempt to get prom back for everyone.

So what gave this 18-year-old the strength to take on an entire school district? She told Michelangelo Signorile on his radio show:

“I am proud of who I am, regardless if I’m different... I decided maybe I could make a change, not just for me but for future generations of kids.”

Of course, the school’s cowardly decision has made things even more difficult for Constance. This is a small town in Mississippi, after all. And, well, it’s high school. She said since prom was canceled she thinks about 70 percent of the school had turned against her, making her the villain.

Luckily, there have also been supporters, too. Constance has a Facebook fan page with more than 360,000 supporters. And the celesbians are fans, too. Wanda Sykes invited Constance and her girlfriend to attend the GLAAD awards. Cat Cora (herself a Mississippi native) issued a statement and offered to make an appearance at prom. And Ellen DeGeneres is having Constance on her show today.

But this isn’t really about star power of media appearances. This is about the power of one person with the courage, determination and eloquence to know her cause is just and not let anyone tell her any different. As Constance told Signorile:

“Just because you are different for some reason, you don’t have to put up with that. I want people to understand that they don’t have to put up with it, and you should stand up for yourself.”

Life is so complicated, yet so simple. We all want to be happy, to feel loved. We all want to be accepted, to be equal. Those who fight against our most basic humanity, our simplest needs, complicate things endlessly. But, thanks to people like Constance, perhaps more people will realize how needlessly it is complicated, too. What she wants isn’t radical. In fact, it’s downright traditional. As she told the AP:

“I want my prom experience to be the same as all of the other students, a night to remember with the person I'm dating.”

See, simple. Thanks for the reminder, Constance. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. If you want to warm the cockles of your heart even more, check out Autostraddle’s outrageously adorable Lesbian Prom Gallery. It’s so fucking cute it almost makes me wish I’d gone to my prom. Almost.