The beauty of the tank top is multifold. Form-fitting, sheer, cool, hot, practical, clingy. It is many things in many ways to many people. But one of its near-magical qualities is its ability to transform the wearer. It’s not about looks, though it does look great, but more about attitude. Sometimes when a woman puts on a tank top her shoulders straighten, her jaw sets, her eyes focus. She has a swagger. She no longer cares about being soft. In short, she butches up a bit. It’s hot as hell. Don’t believe me? Well, that’s why I always bring along photographic evidence.
I rest my case.
She runs. She jumps. She shoots. She looks damn good in a suit. Oh, secret agent lady. Come question me, I have information of national interest – in my pant. (Yes, yes – groan.) Piper Perabo made her debut this week into this most elite of groups. Ladies who speak softly and carry confidential credential – and a big gun, of course. In “Covert Affairs” Piper plays a young CIA trainee who gets upgraded to the big show a month early. Why? She speaks six languages. Why, really? She speaks six languages and can pass for a hooker. Why, really really? She speaks six languages and can pass for a hooker and while traveling in Sri Lanka had a brief but passionate affair with a man who said he was an English teacher but turns out to be wanted by the CIA for some reason. The show isn’t perfect, but it is plucky. And Piper, well, I’ve mentioned she looks great in a suit, right?
If past is precedent, in one of her assignments she’ll play a lesbian.
Jodie was kind of born to wear a suit and a scowl, no?
Speaking of scowl, no one shoots a better skeptical one than Scully.
Bonus points for the suit and glasses.
If you play an agent odds are you’ll either be named Walker or have red hair, or both.
Someone tell me that the truth is there is Agent Dunham and Agent Scully fanfic out there.
I wonder if she kept the red wig.
Good they’re bringing her back, even if not for every episode.
Leather jackets totally count.
Granted, this is really a vest, but I choose not to quibble with people who have guns.
Now I know that just as you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, it’s unfair to judge a movie by its trailer. But fairness is apparently now the trademarked domain of Fox News (at least that’s what the notes I scribbled on my palm say), so let’s judge away. Here’s the thing, “Valentine’s Day” looks awful. Like that Valentine’s Day candy that comes in the enormous, glossy, heart-shaped box awful. It’s sweet, it’s shiny, it’s expensive but inside it’s filled with nothing but those awful strawberry creams that make you gag after two bites. Harsh? I’ve mentioned before that I’m not the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day, haven’t I?Valentine’s Day
Yeah, no comparison.
There are downgrades and then there are downgrades. Going from Colin Firth to Ashton Kutcher is the latter. Not that I have anything personally against the, what, 600 big-name movie stars in “Valentine’s Day.” Anne Hathaway, lovely. Jennifer Garner, so girl next doory you’d think she actually lived next door. Jessica Biel, you’ve seen her in a tank top, right? It’s the forced combination in a movie by Garry Marshall (a man who wields romance like a club), that makes me uncomfortable. I mean, did you hear they’ve already working on a sequel called “New Year’s Eve?” Welcome to Love, The Brand. No, thank you.
Also, “Valentine’s Day” purposely de-gays the gay couple (that’d be Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane) in the trailer. So, you know, BOO!
What made “Love Actually” so universally heartwarming was its all-too-human elements. It never felt calculated or corporatized. It never featured a couple with the same first name, where they weren’t also of the same sex. But it did have Emma Thompson. Any film with Emma Thompson will always and forever win out over any film that doesn’t. Period. Laugh that big, loud, trademark laugh of yours all you want, Julia Roberts. You know it’s true.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, enjoy your big, gooey-centered Hollywood extravaganza if you must. Which, inevitably, will be followed by “New Year’s Eve,” “Thanksgiving Dinner,” “Fourth of July” and “Secretary’s Day.” But know that I’ll be at home rewatching “Love Actually” and swooning all over again. Love is all around, you just need to know where to look.
