Gender Fuck Thursday: Drag Edition

There’s gender fuck, and then there’s Gender Fuck. The world witnessed the latter last weekend when the incomparable Lady Gaga went full on Jo Calderone for the entirety of the MTV Video Music Awards. Not only was it one of the only times I’ve ever seen her in an outfit that didn’t involve mirrors, bubbles, spikes or require refrigeration. Regardless of what you thought of her lengthy leering performance as Jo, you’ve got to admire her commitment. Hell, Gaga was even packing. So today let’s celebration those who dare to drag with mustaches – or without. All hail the kings.

Kristin Scott ThomasEat your heart out, Ivan Aycock.



Katharine HepburnThey don’t make movie stars like this anymore – male or female.



Brooke ShieldsDid you know Brooke pulled a “Yentl” in the movie “Sahara?” Neither did I.



Barbra StreisandOf course, nothing beats the real thing.



Anne HathawayUnsurprisingly, the woman who looks like a Disney princess in real life looks like a Disney prince in drag.



Natalie PortmanNow I’m thinking they missed a brilliant potential “mustache ride” scene in “Black Swan.”



Veronica WebbAlso unsurprisingly, beautiful models make handsome fellows.



Christy Turlington, Naomi Campbell & Linda EvangelistaVery handsome fellows.



Julie AndrewsNever mind raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, Julie in a suit and tie is more than a few of my favorite things.



Lady GagaWhen he’s not glowering ferociously at the world, that Mr. Calderone is one GQ motherfucker...



...But when he is he kind of looks like an extra from “The Outsiders.”

My Weekend Crush

If Lady Gaga didn’t exist, we’d be hard-pressed to invent anything remotely close to her. At this moment, she just might be the most fabulous weirdo on the planet. Unquestionably queer, unforgettably fun, she is part disco ball, part performance art and part circus sideshow. Her songs fill me with the simple, unmistakable joy of pop music. In short, she makes me want to dance – hard. But more than just a pusher of dance floor delights, Gaga has elevated her performances to an otherworldly experience. Even if you’re not a fan, you have to admit she is never dull. And now with the premiere of “Telephone,” she has us squirming like happy puppies in the palm of her hand. Think of the last video you were this excited/curious/impatient to see. And the lady did not disappoint. Women in prison! Gaga kissing girls! Crime scene tape in lieu of clothing! Crudely named lesbian dating sites! The Pussy Wagon! Cigarette sunglasses! Dick jokes! Murder! Dancing! Thelma & Louise without the cliff! Beyon-FUCKING-cé! They say truth is stranger than fiction. And Lady Gaga is stranger than truth, in the best way possible. Happy weekend, all.

[Click to enjoy in big, glorious high-def.]

Glam or Gaga

Dear Adam Lambert,

Hey there, you big gaymo. Look, I didn’t say anything when you came out with your My Pretty Pony meets Space Camp meets your cousin Sheila’s high school yearbook photo from 1985 during her experimental eyeliner phase album cover for “For Your Entertainment.” And I didn’t say anything when the editor of Out wrote that open letter complaining about you even as he put you on the magazine’s cover (for the record, I think I might be on your side on that one). But you leave me no choice after your American Music Awards performance last night. Now, I don’t normally watch the AMAs. They’re basically not a real awards show but paperweights given out as an excuse for superstars to get on stage and sell records. But I keep reading about people falling and fire and fellatio on my Twitter feed last night so I was forced to tune in. (Note: The West Coast feed had JLo’s assplant cut from its broadcast. Don’t you know moments like that are the only reason we watch in the first place?)

Anyway, the night was basically two performances for me. 1. Lady Gaga and 2. You. So let me break this down as simply as we can.

This is how you do outrageous right. Please note the wearing of lighted exoskeletons and control-top pantyhose in lieu of clothing.

And, then, of course, fire.

This is how you do outrageous wrong. Please note that simulated blow jobs are never, ever good TV. (p.s. This was also cut from the West Coast feed. p.p.s. You suck, AMA editors).

Also, while as a rule I approve wholeheartedly of kissing androgynous bandmates on live television, that kiss was about as hot as the Al and Tipper Gore smooch at the 2000 Democratic Convention.

The main problem I have is that your performance smacked of shock for shock’s sake. It wanted to badly to be shocking and failed even at that. Also, you were kinda pitchy, dawg. Look, Lady Gaga works not because she is shocking but because she is ambitious. She wants to be different and aggressively so, so even if she fails sometimes it is never dull. And she does it all with vision. There is nothing visionary about grinding a dude’s face in your man bits and grabbing ladies by their lady business.

Having said all that, I do appreciate how unabashedly you are bringing the gay these days. Don’t ever stop. Same goes for the sparkly pants. But, seriously, fire your choreographer.

Kisses,
Ms. Snarker