Dream K-Big

I have a dream. In my dream, Kathryn Bigelow directs Meryl Streep in her next movie. The film follows Kathryn’s signature style – muscular drama with tough characters. Meryl will be the toughest and most muscular of them all – though not in the “I want to pump you up!” sense, of course. Things may or may not blow up, but that’s not the point. The story will be strong and visceral, it will be expertly told and intense. You will leave the theater feeling like you’ve seen something real, turned our complex humanity over a couple times in your hand and maybe even shaken it a bit in an attempt to understand ourselves just a little bit better. No one will call it a chick movie. No one will call it a dude movie. It will just be a great movie. Kathryn will be nominated again. Meryl will win her third Oscar (everyone thinks she has a million, but she only has the two – out of 16 nominations). And the telecast will end precisely on time because host Tina Fey runs a tight fucking ship. Hey, if you’re going to dream, dream K-Big.

Also, just as an example, it will be nothing even remotely like this movie. Except maybe for the kiss, you’ll know which one.

Cherry Bombs

I’m not going to lie, I’m excited about this movie. Will it meet expectations, I hope so. Are Dakota, Kristen & company as bad-ass as Cherie, Joan & company? Well that’s not even physically possible. But I give them an A for effort. I mean, it can’t be easy having to both look, act and sing like the real Runaways. A look and listen below at both the real and Memorex in action. Ch-ch-ch-choose your favorite.

The Runaways, Circa 2010


The Runaways, Circa 1976

Tank Top Tuesday: Burton’s Babes Edition

You know, I enjoyed “Alice in Wonderland.” Truth be told, I pretty much enjoy all Tim Burton films on one level or another. “Alice” was a good film, not a great film. It was fun, but without some of the wonder you'd expect Burton to bring to the land. But what I really liked were the women in the film (I know, I know – when don’t I like the women in a film?). I wasn’t familiar with Mia Wasikowska before the movie. I’d never seen “In Treatment” and just basically didn’t know her from Mia Hamm. But, oooh and doogie. Did she make an impression. Actually, I think it was her suit of armor that made an indelible impression. Say what you will, but Tim Burton has great taste in women. (Men, too, but – gosh – who doesn’t love Johnny Depp?)

Helena Bonham CarterAlice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Corpse Bride, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Big Fish, Planet of the Apes

Anne HathawayAlice in Wonderland

Christina RicciSleepy Hollow

Pam Grier

Mars Attacks!

Michelle Pfeiffer

Batman Returns

Marion CotillardBig Fish

Sarah Jessica ParkerEd Wood

Winona RyderBeetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands

Mia WasikowskaConsider this a bonus, like Armor Top Tuesday.

SG*ALGG: Oscar Edition

Hey, lots of pretty ladies in lots of pretty dresses hugged each other last night! Oh, and they also handed out some awards. And some really pretty ladies in really pretty dresses won them! Really, the theme for the night was, “Go pretty ladies in pretty dresses!” Or, slightly less reductive, “Hooray for women in entertainment who have reached the pinnacle of their professional careers all the while breaking down barriers and making history.” In pretty dresses. And with that, it’s time for the very special Oscar edition of Straight Gals* Acting Like Gay Gals. (*With the exception of Jodie, of course. Also, jury’s still out on K-Stew. Edit: And, I know, they played mom and daughter. All of this is clearly make believe.)

Tina Fey & Elizabeth BanksElizabeth looks a little like she pulled down the left strap to Tina’s dress. I like how she thinks.

Oprah & Gabourey SidibeIf Oprah’s hand was one inch closer, Gayle would be sooo jealous.

Jennifer Lopez & Demi MooreMostly Demi is just a Straight Gal Acting Like a Drunk Gal. But that’s how many a SGALGG moment starts off. Remember college?

Meryl Streep & Amy AdamsMeryl just asking a very pregnant Amy, “It’s not mine, is it?”

Meryl Streep & Sandra BullockSandy thanked, “my lover, Meryl” and called her “SUCH a good kisser.” So kiss her, you fool.

Sandra Bullock & Helen MirrenLook, Meryl, if you don’t kiss Sandy soon Helen will. You snooze, you lose.

Anna Kendrick & Sigourney WeaverSigourney has just told Anna how they would earn their Mile High Club membership if they were both “Up in the Air.”

Miley Cyrus & Amanda SeyfriedAmanda is letting Miley down easy here. A gal’s got to have standards, you know.

Rosario Dawson & Angie HarmonHow much do you want to jump in between that soon-to-be sandwich?

Barbra Streisand & Kathryn BigelowBarbra to Kathryn: “Darling, you’re like buttah.”

Hilary Swank & Rashida JonesNothing SGALGG-y here, just thought the GGs reading might enjoy the fact that both these ladies mistakenly thought they were going to the Golden Globes. Ahem.

Kristen Stewart & Jodie FosterLover’s quarrel.

For a more comprehensive (rather than “oooh, pretty!”) look at the Oscars, check out my post at AfterEllen today.

My Weekend Crush

This is going to be Sandra Bullock’s year. On Sunday, odds are Sandy will beat the Streeps and Mirrens to walk away with a shiny new golden mantle ornament. And I in no way begrudge her success. A 20-plus-year veteran of the business, she has been in every imaginable kind of movie. Good movies, bad movies, really bad movies. But through it all she has retained this infinitely likable quality. You can’t buy it, you can’t learn it, she just has it. You like her. You want her to do well. Now I still haven’t seen “The Blind Side,” so I can’t speak to its quality. And I’m an unbridled fan of Meryl and Helen, but I think I’ll be cheering for Sandy this Sunday. It’s almost impossible to root against her. At 45, she is still at the top of her game, still making movies that moviegoers want to see and still making us like her. Also, I kind of hope if she wins she’ll make out with Meryl again. A gal can dream. Happy weekend, all.

Snips and snails and puppy dogs tails

Well, you knew that was coming. You can’t give a little girl a “boy’s” haircut, let her wear pants and play with swords without the world exploding, possibly ending and definitely having a shit fit. Now, I’ve taken note of little Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s endearing tomboy tendencies for a while now. I think they’re wonderful. Which, of course, means there is something pathologically wrong with her upbringing, possibly evil and definitely worth consulting a panel of stylists over.

Now I’d be angry (and, truth be told, I am angry), if this all didn’t feel a bit calculated. I mean, I don’t honestly think the editors of “Life & Style” think Brad and Angelina are turning Shiloh into a boy. But it sure does make a good headline. And it sure stirs up controversy. And it sure adds to the bottom line. Well fuck that noise. I am not linking the “article,” if you can call it that. But if you must know it calls her haircut “shockingly short” and that it pushes the boundaries into “cross-dresser territory” and even quotes an “expert,” again if can call him that, from Focus on the Family.

Whatever. People who really do feel this way make me mad, obviously, but sad for them as well. Their lives are so limited, their definitions so rigid. Life is wonderful because of its variation and possibilities and freedom. If a little girl wants to cut her hair short, run around in cargo pants and avoid ruffles like the plague, what is it to you? What is so threatening or scary or wrong with letting children just be themselves? Big sister Zahara wears plenty of dresses and frills and traditionally “girlie” clothes. So, clearly, it’s not some sinister plot to reassign the gender of all the Jolie-Pitt clan (though, truth be told, Brad in a dress has its virtues). If more people let their children express themselves freely – wear what they wanted, pursue what they wanted, be who they wanted, love who they wanted – this crazy world of ours would be a much happier, healthier place.

Again, I say, whatever. And get a life, people. Because life really is way too short to sweat the small stuff. And a haircut, that’s not even small – that’s minuscule. Plus, Shiloh’s is adorable. So suck it, “Life & Style.” Hard.

Aww. And shucks.

Holy crap, kittens, we won! Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you for your votes, your support and for just coming back day after day. I’m humbled and flattered and honored. I’ll pick the drawing winners soon, I promise. But until then, please let me virtually hug each and every one of you with my legs in friendship. Yeah, feel that gratitude. A big thank you once again to Kelly from The Lesbian Lifestyle for generously hosting and organizing the whole shebang. And a hearty congratulations to the other 2009 The Lezzy Award winners:

Best Humor: Grace the Spot
Best Parenting: Up Popped a Fox
Best Engagement/Wedding: My Big Fat Gay Wedding
Best Feminist/Political: Feministing
Best Personal: Peaches & Coconuts
Best Out Later in Life: Making Space
Best Sex/Short Story/Erotica: Sugarbutch Chronicles
Best New Lesbian Blog: Autostraddle
Best Podcast: The Lesbian Lounge
Lifetime Achievement: AfterEllen.com

Truth be told, I probably only won in Entertainment/Culture because Autostraddle and its swarm of interns graciously chose to only campaign for New Blog. Bless their little gay hearts. And bless your little gay hearts – and straight hearts, and bi hearts, and transgender hearts, really any kind of working ticker. You are too kind, as usual.