Fat and Happy

Opinions are like assholes, or so the saying goes. So it only follows that many assholes have opinions. But you are still taken aback, way aback, when an asshole is such an asshole about her opinions. Like, for instance, the Marie Claire blogger who posted her thoughts on the new CBS sitcom “Mike & Molly.”

Let me break down the essence of her post for you:

HEY FATTIES, EAT SOME UNPROCESSED FOOD AND GET OFF YOUR BIG ASSES. ALSO, STOP KISSING. GROSS.

And I’m not even really paraphrasing there. This is what was actually written.

My initial response was: Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country’s obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it’s at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity! ….

So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room. ….

I’m happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it’s cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you’re getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more.

(p.s. That last sentence is 84 – EIGHTY FOUR – words long. How about learning how to slim down your writing instead, lady?)

WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK WAS THAT FUCKING SHIT?

The post has made the rounds, been roundly criticized and, by my rough estimate, garnered some 6 gazillion very unhappy replies in the comments section. The writer has apologized, said the post was an insensitive, thoughtless reaction to her own struggles with anorexia. Blah blah blah. That may well be true. While we should be rightfully furious with its writer (a Maura Kelly – who has been published in The New York Times, The Washington Post and Glamour, among others. Also, she loves peanut butter!), we should also see this as a symptom of a larger, more insidious disease we have as a society. This Maura person articulated it almost perfectly.

In our society, we think to be loved you have to look a certain way. If you don’t look that certain way you are unworthy, unhealthy, unhappy, undeserving. If you don’t look a certain way you shouldn’t kiss, find love, walk across a room. If you don’t look a certain way you should be ashamed, disgusted and hate ever fiber of your big, ugly, repulsive body.

What a colossal load of unrelenting horse shit.

Without getting into the flat-out fallacies of Maura Kelly’s argument (all weight can be managed through diet and exercise, etc.), let’s talk about her piece’s casual yet calculated cruelty. It’s a cruelty that permeates our society. It’s fed by the fashion and beauty industries. It’s fed by Photoshopping the already beautiful into impossible beauty. It’s fed by almost every image we see projected and plastered everywhere. This is how you should look, if you don’t look like this how could you possibly be happy? An entire body-shaming industrial complex profits from our continued misery.

It shouldn’t be a radical statement to say that we are all humans and that we all deserve happiness no matter our size, race, sexual orientation, disabilities, whathaveyou. Yet here we are, in the year 2010, and some people are still saying how gross it is that two fatties have the audacity to actually kiss. How dare they be happy, don’t they know?

Treating all people with basic human decency and respect, now that’s fucking beautiful.

~This Elegant Chaos~#6:'Dinah & The Beautiful Blue'

Okay....
So this one is a bit of a departure. It's not quite trebley guitars, twee vocals and a sunny yet romantically doomed disposition. No, this ones a bit more ambient, a bit more orchestral, dare one even say it.....a bit more 'classy'.
So, now that we know we're not in ~Kitten Wine~ territory, let's try to put this into some kind of perspective because, even though this doesn't really follow the ~Streetlamp~ blueprint, it does cover a guilty pleasure much enjoyed by all here at the Streetlamp HQ.
Let's take a closer look.....

About eight years ago Griff and I, completely independently of each other, stumbled upon a radio show called 'Late Junction'. What was odd about this is that Late Junction is broadcast on Radio 3....yep, THAT Radio 3....the BBC Radio 3. Now, as veterans of the Punk/Indie/Twee revolution, the idea of listening to pompous, lemon-sucking, head-up-it's-own-arse Radio 3 was quite abhorrent. But there...around 11:15p.m most weekday nights was an oasis of musical splendour; a mix of lo-fi pop, light classical, world music, ambient soundscapes, modern jazz, folk, chansonnier songs, Math Rock(Rodan, Slint etc) and the odd tracks by Sonic Youth, Daniel Johnston, Jim O'Rourke, Le Tigre etc.....I'm sure you get the picture.
This allowed us to hear music away from the stuff we usually listened to. Plus the overall texture of the show coupled with the late night feel made it a very ambient, intoxicating experience.
In fact, I'd wager that if Proust or Rimbaud were alive today, this would be top of their listening agenda.

And it was on this show that I stumbled upon the wondrous track that I have come here to discuss tonight. A track called 'Dinah And The Beautiful Blue' by Thomas Feiner & Anywhen. This song is almost unspeakably beautiful, an aching, ambient, hallucinatory joy that moves at such a somnambulent pace that it becomes a sensory overload. Every movement within the song seems to bruise the heart and numb the senses(in the most dreamy way)....not for nothing is this song taken from an album called 'The Opiates'.
Think of Tom Waits deciding to make an ambient track, or David Sylvian scoring the soundtrack to your favourite childhood daydream.....or if you are a Scott Walker fan, imagine if he really made that album you've always hoped he'd make and not that unlistenable 'difficult' art-music he makes now.
It's almost impossible for me to describe just how magical and life-affirming this song is....it totally changes my mind-set and perception of time, space and memory.
It makes me become like Proust, or Rimbaud, or Baudelaire, or Huysmans, or any of those namby-pamby pantywaists, draping myself over the chaise lounge in my velvet dressing gown, the scent of lavender in the air, heavily perfumed Chateau Margaux in hand, longing for the goodnight kiss from Mamma....


Oh yeah, music can do funny things to pretentious buffoon!

This is easily one of the most beautiful pieces of music I have heard in a long time, and I urge you to listen to it all the way through and not to give up on it because of it's slow pace....allow it to seep into you!
And I hope it acts as a good advert for the fantastic Late Junction show which we here at the Streetlamp cannot recommend highly enough.

~Gordon~

"If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time" Marcel Proust

Tank Top Tuesday

Sometimes, when putting together Tank Top Tuesday posts, I struggle to find a theme. Sporty shots. Black and white shots. Candid shots. Fancy shots. Shoddy shots. But then sometimes I look at my pictures and realize, honey, you’re really over thinking it. Hotties + Tank Tops = No Additional Explanation Required. In other words, as you can see from Salma Hayek above, I picked these pictures today because they’re hot. You’re welcome. Now go have a nice Tuesday.

Tricia HelferShe is going to guest star on “Lie to Me.” Jesus, Tim Roth. First Jennifer Beals now Tricia? Lucky bastard.

Diane LaneI thought about seeing “Secretariat,” but (spoiler alert) I already know the horse wins. So, um, where’s the suspense in that?

Liv TylerI know a lot of people look at her and see an elf queen, but I’ll always see that gal who cavorted with Alicia Silverstone.

Kate HudsonProof that every gal looks great with suspenders and a belt chain. Even gals who only really ever made one good movie. (“Almost Famous,” duh.)

Amber HeardSpeaking of good movies, boy, “Drive Angry” does not look like one. But, um, Amber is still pretty – and in 3D.

Emily HainesI want Emily to dance around in sparkly shirts and fierce boots while filling my heart with joy forever and ever. And if that sparkly top happens to be a tank top, all the better.

Debbie HarryDebbie doesn’t need to dance around to fill my heart with joy forever and ever. Those cheekbones are more than enough.

Angie HarmonSo much is happening here. A plane. A headset. All that cleavage. I have no idea where this is from. I am completely OK with that. (p.s. You’re reading the Rizzoli & Isles Retro Subtext Recaps, right? Right.)

See, best not to over think things.

SGALGG: The Revenge

You know what I like? I like it when women who break up with guys who then immediately start dating women 20 years younger their junior find a way to still show up their exes in spectacular fashion. So when Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen got divorced earlier this year, and then he started to date his 23-year-old “Saturday Night Live” co-star Abby Elliott (he is 43, by the way), I thought, “Bring it, Elisabeth.” Granted, Elisabeth is only 5 years older than Abby, but her ex still managed to trade younger. Well, consider it brought. Besides her continued “Mad Men” success, Elisabeth is set to make her London stage debut next year. Opposite Keira Knightley. Who she falls in love with. In a revival of “The Children’s Hour.” Hmm, getting lesbionic with Keira night after night in front of a live audience? That’ll do it.

So, I could quibble about the play itself. Really, must we revive the lesbian love ends in tragedy and despair thing again? But the casting is amazing and the story while sad is well told. So bully for them. Of course, this role will require research. So let me offer these helpful, Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals-y acting tips to Elisabeth to prepare for her West End debut.

Hang out with fake gay ladies.Though you might want to take Joyce up on her offer next time, for practice.

Hang out with real gay ladies.Tell her you like vampires, gay ladies love vampires.

Dress like a gay lady.You know the cop contingent is your favorite float at the Pride Parade.

SGALGG at every opportunity.Erika Christensen looks more than happy to help.

Hey, but no SGALGGing with Tina.Sorry, she’s mine.

Become part of a lesbian ship.Do they have a portmanteau yet?

Become the ham in a very pretty sandwich.That’s the kind of bread you really want to butter.

Add a different kinds of Hamm.I mean, come on, even lesbians like a little Jon Hamm.

Look ridiculously hot.So random women everywhere are forced to go, “DAMN, GIRL.”

When all else fails…

…just keep getting licked.

Never mind the Stanislavski Method, this is the SGALGG Method.

~Kitten Wine~#21: Flexitown Revisited

Back in May, in what became ~Kitten Wine~#7:'60 Minutes in The Anorak City', I wrote about a mix-tape that has been a constant companion of mine over the last 22 years. In listing the songs and enthusing about them I was lucky to find video clips to accompany most of the songs. However there were about 5 songs that I could find nothing for at all. All from flexi-discs released in the Spring of 1988. In fact for four of them I could find scant info on the Internet at all....just nothing. So....
A few weeks ago on a beautiful Autumn's afternoon Griff, Ray and myself convened at the Streetlamp HQ and set about putting this to rights, and so we made MP3 copies of the original tracks and then Ray created videos for them. So here we have it....a chance to finally enthuse properly about these fantastic songs and at last share them with people who, unless you bought the fanzines these Flexidiscs came with at the time, will never have heard them.

Let's do it....

We begin with 'Anorak City' by Another Sunny Day. Now this Flexidisc is numbered Sarah 3, and came with a fanzine entitled Sarah 4. I'm sure you've probably figured out that these were the third and fourth releases on Sarah Records. The cover of the fanzine announces that both fanzine and flexi can be purchased for a whopping 50p. The fact that this fanzine and flexi combo now commands over £100(if Record Collector magazine is to be believed!) is staggering.
I've already declared my love for this song profoundly enough in ~KW~#7, so I'll share with you what Matt and Claire of Sarah say about the records inside the pages of the accompanying fanzine: "Anorak City plays at 45r.p.m because that's POPmusic speed, ALBUMS play at 33....is just 5 and 3/4 inches across and the thinnest plastic ever because it's only POPmusic, flimsy, throwaway stuff....crackles and fizzes and POPs because it contains such things as ENERGY, COLOUR, EXCITEMENT....is called 'Anorak City' because some people are incredibly stupid". Sentiments we all agree with.
I LOVE this song and I hope that you enjoy both it and the video Ray has created to accompany it....


The next tracks are by The Magic Shop and The Visitors and are on a Flexidisc released on Sha-la-la Records. Unfortunately I've long since lost the fanzine it came with, but thankfully not the record....although I'm sure there are many people out there who have either lost both, or made the record unplayable and kept the fanzine in mint condition!
'It's True' by The Magic Shop is a splendid little ditty that chings along all trebley guitars and wobbly Farfisa organ. When we were converting this track, Griff couldn't stop smiling at the singers vocals as it sounds as though his voice is in the process of breaking as he sings, or that the song is in too high a register for him. It's a cracking wee song though and really buzzes with youthful naivety and exuberance...


Naivety and exuberance are hardly to the fore on 'Goldmining' by The Visitors however. This is quite a bitter, downbeat little track that seems to find it's creator raging hard against marriage.I'm not quite sure exactly what the overall point of his bitterness is, but in a literal reading of the lyrics it sounds like he(or someone) has married their childhood sweetheart only for the marriage to end amid boredom and infidelity. I hope the singer isn't speaking from experience. The song doesn't sit well amongst all the sweetness and frivolity of Sarah Records and their compatriots, but that's one of the reasons I love it so much, and why we're bringing it to you here for the first time anywhere....


Next up is another Flexidisc from Sha-la-la only this time showcasing two bands from the Sombrero Records roster. Sombrero actually only had three bands, all with rubbish names, all wonderful; The Siddeleys, Reserve and Bob. All three bands, it's safe to say, were indebted to The Smiths....The Siddeleys were often compared to The Smiths and vocalist Johnny Johnson(a girl by the way) was often hailed as the female Morrissey. Bob once had a song that mentioned 'Slow Hand Johnny and Steven P M', and Reserve couldn't sound more influenced by The Smiths if they tried! We intend to cover Bob in a full Blog sometime in the near future, but today let's concentrate on The Siddeleys and Reserve.
'Wherever You Go' by The Siddeleys is just fantastic, a jaunty, jangly little whizzbang of a song that, nowadays, would be said to be about obsessive love, but really it's just about love and infatuation. That's the problem with growing old and cynical, you forget the electric shock rush you used to feel when the girl of your dreams walked by that now you view these self same feelings in others as unhealthy and obsessive. But this song is not dark in any way, it bursts with joyful declarations of undying love that only seem to come from the young and the naive. Leave your cynicism at the door and wallow in the headrush fireworks of young romance....


And so we finish off with 'The Sun Slid Down Behind The Tower' by Reserve. It seems apt to finish with this as this is the track I used to finish the mix-tape. I'm always a sucker for songs about Summer nights and the romance of sunsets and that's exactly what this song conveys to me. As I said above this is a band that maybe listened a little too closely to The Smiths; the janglesome guitars, the vocal pitched just a little too low and morose sounding. But it all works beautifully and if ever a track captured that end-of-a-golden-Summer feel it's this one. I feel that Ray has created one of his best videos to accompany this track, which is only fitting.


It feels such a privilege to able to bring these long lost songs to you, especially as they have meant so much to me over the last couple of decades.
Whilst you can find info on Another Sunny Day, Reserve and The Siddleys on the Internet, there seems to be absolutely NOTHING on The Visitors or The Magic Shop. If anyone connected with either band happens to stumble across this Blog, we would really like to hear from you so we could do a more in depth piece on both bands. Also, as we've mentioned above, we have the tracks here on MP3s if anyone may be interested.
Contact us at the e-mail address at the top of the page.

~Gordon~

My Weekend Patriotism

The President of the United States of America is looking into a camera and telling gay kids everywhere that “You are not alone. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t do anything to deserve being bullied. And there is a whole world waiting for you, filled with possibilities. There are people out there who love you and care about you just the way you are.” Does it negate the deep disappointment I feel about how his administration has handled DADT, ENDA, gay marriage, etc.? No. Does it make me proud to have a president who cares enough about gay kids to speak to them directly and tell them their lives have worth? Yes. The leader of the free world wants gay kids to know they shouldn’t be bullied and they shouldn’t kill themselves. It seems so simple, but it is so very significant. This is how things get better. Thank you, Mr. President. Happy weekend, all.

UPDATE: A little more on why, despite our disappointments, this is still a Big Fucking Deal. (Joe Biden.)

Ari Up, 17 January 1962 – 20 October 2010

For those of you who may have not yet heard the news, I'm sorry to say that Ari Up, vocalist with The Slits, has died. The singer, born Arianna Forster, passed away yesterday (20 October) after a "serious illness".The announcement was made by representatives of Ari's stepfather, John Lydon, last night. A statement on his website reads: "John and Nora have asked us to let everyone know that Nora's daughter Arianna (Ari Up) died today after a serious illness. She will be sadly missed".


I'm not the sort of person who would normally succumb to the modern inclination for misplaced grief at the death of a 'celebrity' so that is why I feel so utterly discomfited at how this news has made me feel; numb and forlorn. Let me try to put this into some kind of perspective. In 1979, my sister and I came across a record at the record stall in the old indoor market in Cardiff with a sleeve which could just not be ignored; 3 wild-haired, almost naked girls covered in mud and with a fuck-you look on their faces. The record was, of course, Cut, The Slits debut album, recorded that Spring at Ridge Farm Studios and released on the Island Record label. Understandably, given our mile-wide rebellious streaks at the time, it came home with us and as it spun on the turntable, the needle poised to descend, I was not to know that my life was about to change forever. 32 minutes later (it's a short album containing merely 10 wonderful, beautiful, mesmerising songs) I understood the power that music can have and I knew I wanted to hear and make music; free, passionate, wild and exhilarating; just like this for the rest of my life.
30 years have passed since that epiphany, bands and artists have come and gone and my record collection has mutated into a CD and now an MP3 collection, and yet one fact remains. If you were to ask me in 1980 what my favourite album was I would have told you unhesitatingly; Cut by The Slits. If you were to ask me in 1990, I would tell you - Cut by The Slits. If you had asked me in the year 2000, when Punk was just a fading memory and the idea of youth rebellion and changing the world was scorned as naive and unsophisticated, I would have told you - Cut by The Slits. And I'm telling you again tonight, when our young people are all blank-eyed consumers and we live in a soulless world of voracious, rampant capitalism, and horribly, unbelievably, Ari Up is dead! My favourite album, of all time, is Cut by The Slits!
From the first time I heard them I loved and treasured all of The Slits musical output, even when others couldn't understand and were hurtful and disparaging. I could say so much more about the art of Ari Up. In fact, I could go on and on until you begged me to stop but this is not the night for that. This is a night for remembering the woman, the musician, and the strength and the joy that Ari Up gave to so many people through the transforming power of her music. So, I'm going to give you this instead:







Good night, Ari.
xx

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Gordon Says: 'Don't Fade Away'

When Joe Strummer died, Griff phoned me that night so we could at least try to share the grief we both felt at his tragic passing. Joe was really the first 'music' death that really touched us....yeah yeah Sid Vicious, yeah yeah Ian Curtis, yeah yeah Kurt Cobain....but we never really felt it like we did when Joe died. Joe is one of the reasons this Blog(and ~Sighrens~) exists, he was the first of our gang to die and it hurt like hell.

The reason I mention this is not so I can now belittle Joe's passing, or appear disparaging about it, but the simple fact is that as much as we miss Joe, his death could never shock or sadden us the way Arianna's tragic passing has!

Griff's eulogy above says more than I ever could about Ari and the beauty of The Slits but I can't let this just pass without me putting in my tuppence worth.
It was Griff who introduced me to The Slits when he gave me a mix tape which featured their interpretation of Marvin Gaye's 'I Heard It Through The Grapevine', an event that has already been covered in a ~Streetlamp~ Blog. From that moment I was thoroughly smitten and 'Cut' became a permanent fixture in my musical and mental landscape. The disjointed rhythms, Ari's swooping and soaring vocals, the complete lack of any boorish 'boys only' cock-rock posturing....magical, vital, scary, sexy, ESSENTIAL!
It's safe to say that Ari's voice has filled the four walls of my room as much as Steven Morrissey, Robert Wratten, Nick Cave, Stuart Staples, Brian Wilson or Lennon and McCartney and it will continue to do so for many years.

I'll always smile when Ari sings "Again another evening without falling in love// So I listen to the Radiooooooo...."(from 'Ping-Pong Affair') because I always smiled when she sang it in my headphones as I walked to school. It's the little things like that which I will always treasure.

A couple of years ago The Slits reformed to play live shows and Griff and I swithered and swayed about going to see them. In the end we didn't! To say that I am, at this very moment, extremely f*cked off by this barely scratches the surface.

Whilst The Slits music will always be dear to us(to put it mildly), I've chosen not to close with a Slit's song as Griff has already covered that above, so I've chosen one of her greatest guest vocals.....'Fade Away' by New Age Steppers.......


Sleep well Momma Madussa xxx

~Gordon~