Everybody dance now

I like to dance, but only under certain circumstances. Most of those circumstances involve adult beverages. Many, many adult beverages. I’m not particularly good, but I hope my enthusiasm makes up for my utter lack of coordination or grace. But what I do like is to watch other people dance. It’s all of the sexy and none of the sweaty. Not that sweaty is necessarily bad. Hot. Sweaty. Sticky. Wait, where was I going with this? Right, dancing. As much as I love super sexy dancing (and, I do – see previous sweatiness tangent) I really love dorky dancing. You know, the spontaneous, out-of-context, exuberant kind that isn’t about being in da club (God, I hate the phrase “in da club”) or on a chorus line. It’s just about your body releasing. It’s about joy. Dancing, when done right, is an expression of joy. Our days can sometimes seem an endless series of mundane tasks and rote responsibilities. But, once in a while, we break free and let our limbs follow their own song.

Dorky dancers of the world, I salute you. Now, let’s get down with our bad selves.

Cast, Grey’s Anatomy

This makes me wish I watched this show more. And was friends with Cristina Yang.

Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

Angela’s “Blister in the Sun” dance is exactly how it feels to finally be over a breakup. Exactly.

Dana Fairbanks, The L Word

Dana Fairbanks will forever and always be the queen of dorky dancers. All hail the queen.

Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

But, you’ve got to admit, Liz Lemon is at the very least a princess of dorky dancing.

Angie Harmon, Rizzoli & Isles

There is no better job in Hollywood than behind-the-scenes backup dancer to Angie Harmon. None.

Kat Graham & Candice Accola, The Vampire Diaries

Truth be told, this sort of workout is my total nightmare. I’m the person always jumping left when everyone else is jumping right. But I’m not above observing a class. Ahem.

Callie Torres, Grey’s Anatomy

This isn’t dorky. Just hot. Smoking hot.

So, any favorite dorky dancing TV moments to share? Don’t be shy. Nobody’s watching.

Lez Lemon

You know when people say they kid because they care? That’s my Tina Fey. While she sadly hasn’t yet qualified for her Honorary Hot Plate (or the real deal Toast Oven either, but I keep hoping), my Fake TV Wife did pick up a GLAAD Media Award for “30 Rock” over the weekend. The show won the Outstanding Individual Episode (in a series without a regular LGBT character) for the episode “Klaus & Greta.” p.s. Man, that’s a long award title to have engraved on a plaque. The honor was a lovely one for a show that has been accepting and open to the LGBT community on screen and off screen.

For those familiar with the show (which should be all of you – casting an evil eye at anyone watching “The Mentalist” or “Private Practice.” That’s why Tivo was invented, people), it’s had a long and stories history of making lesbian jokes. In the third episode of the very first season, Liz Lemon’s boss Jack Donaghy mistakes her for a lesbian and sets her up on a date with ADA Alex Cabot, I mean, Stephanie March. It was handled with humor and sensitivity, and made for many, many happy nights dreaming about Tina and Stephanie making flower beds out of old railroad ties and, um, other stuff. I have that episode downloaded on my iPhone. I rewatch it almost every single time I fly.

Since then the show has continued to make jokes about Liz Lemon’s lesbian tendencies. Not that she’s an actual lesbian, which she isn’t, but that she kind of looks and/or acts like one. And I’m sure all the joking could raise an eyebrow or two about poking fun at the dowdy lesbian stereotype. But, again, you have to consider the source. This isn’t Rush Limbaugh talking about “lesbian spearchuckers.” This is Tina Fey who thanked her staff’s gay/lesbian partners in her Emmy acceptance speech and supported gay marriage in her Mark Twain Prize acceptance speech and says on her show “just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don’t love America.”

Also, in case you hadn’t noticed, “30 Rock” takes pot shots at everyone. EVERYONE. Republicans, Democrats, Hipsters, Spinsters, Actors, Writers, African Americans, Hillbillies, Feminists, Chauvinists, Slobs, Overachievers, Gays, Lesbians, Transvestites, Straights, Canadians, NBC, Comcast, Doctors, Beeper Salesmen, Handsome People, Ugly People, Cat People and the fact that everyone you’ve ever met who is named Tina is a “real bitch.” Seriously, everyone.

As she said in her GLAAD acceptance speech:

“I want to thank everyone at GLAAD for having such a keen self of humor because jokes are tricky things. And so much of what makes the difference between a joke being offensive and being funny is the context it is in and the intention behind it. I so I want to on behalf of everyone at ‘30 Rock’ thank everyone at GLAAD for recognizing that from Liz Lemon’s bi-curious shoes to Jenna Maroney’s heterosexual transvestite boyfriend to Will Arnett’s ongoing semi-erotic business rivalry with Alec Baldwin, thank you for recognizing that the show has nothing but respect and admiration for the lesbian, gay and transgendered community. And I hope you will stick with us through next week’s episode where Jack Donaghy buys a struggling cable network called Twinks.”

Check out AfterEllen later today for a full run-down of Tina’s GLAAD Media Awards appearance. You get to learn who is on her Fake TV Wife lists. (Hint: I’m spinning with Wonder and approval.)

And with that, a celebration of Lez Lemon’s gayest moments. Remember, you can’t be gay for one person. Unless you’re a lady, and you meet Tina.

Bi-Curious Shoes

An Adorable Little Lesbian


Your Gay Mom


I Love America


Lesbian Mario Brothers


Lesbian Clown Shirts


A Lady Like to Keep Her Blazer On


Let’s Go Lez


Lesbian Yellow Sour Fruit
Kissing Salma Hayek

And with that you know Tina totally gets us. Because when presented with a once-in-a-lifetime shot at making out with Salma Hayek, she took it. High five, girl! Hey, even a Fake TV Wife gets a freebie list.

My Weekend Crush

I know I’ve talked about this before, and you know I’m going to talk about this again – but, goddamn, do I love having “Parks and Recreation” and “30 Rock” back-to-back. They are my favorite hilarious hour of television. They require no time shifting, no channel changing, no moving from the couch. Leslie Knope and Liz Lemon were meant to be together. They give us 60 non-stop minutes of fabulously funny female leads together. They give us a continuous stream of endearingly quirky cast members together. Together, they make my Thursday night the best night ever. They truly are my television OTP. The only way it could possibly be better is if they were in the same full hour block together (say, 9-10p.m. – hint, hint) and “Outsourced” didn’t exist at all. God, that show is terrible. It should be illegal for it to follow “Park and Recreation” and “30 Rock.” ILLEGAL. Nothing that unfunny should be allowed within 30 miles, let alone 30 minutes of Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s brilliance. But I don’t let its presence harsh my buzz, because thanks to a tiny bit of time shifting afterward, I can end my night instead with a tall, cool Sarah Shahi nightcap on “Fairly Legal.” Damn Funny + Damn Pretty = Pretty Damn Funny. Thursday night, I love you. Happy weekend, all.

Parks & Recreation


30 Rock

Bosom Buddies

Tonight, tonight, toooo-NIGHT! Tonight reigning First Ladies of Funny Business and Queens of Smarty Pants Tina Fey and Amy Poehler return to my TV where they belong. “Parks and Recreation” and “30 Rock” debut tonight in their new back-to-back timeslots of 9:30 and 10 p.m. on NBC (which thanks to the FCC is now well on its way to being rebranded as Kabletown). While the schedule shuffling is a little odd (10 o’clock comedy? NBC, have you learned nothing from the Jaypocalypse?), I am beyond thrilled to have my two favorite hilarious hotties on my TV together where they belong. Sure, I’d timeshifted them that way already, but this requires so much less lifting of my remote control. I am nothing if not gloriously lazy about my fanaticisms. What I love so much about Tina’s Liz Lemon and Amy’s Leslie Knope is, of course, their humor and intellect, but also their unabashed feminism. Yes, feminism can be funny. This is the proof. While both shows poke fun at the “F”-word at times, at their core they are built upon a construct that believes women are just as smart, capable and deserving of positions of power and responsibility. They’re just as good (or bad) as the boys, and often even better.

The other thing I love so much about Tina and Amy is their friendship, which has remained a constant through “Saturday Night Live” and the Upright Citizens Brigade and movie stardom and motherhood. Female friendship on screen is often celebrated in a sort of condescending lit candles and wine party sort of way. It’s something to be set to sappy musical montages that may or may not include singing together into a hairbrush. But real female friendship is about shared success, support and strength. Just like the endearingly geeky characters they’ve created in Liz and Leslie, Tina and Amy are fantastic examples to women young and old of what it really means to be a strong woman today. You don’t have to take yourself too seriously, but you never take your talent for granted and you always support each other in your ambitions.

A look at the many looks of Tina & Amy:

SNL Silliness
UCB Silliness
Totally Glam
Totally Butch
Touchy Feely
Really Touchy Feely
Sexy Tennis

Oh, Tina and Amy – thank you for coming back to us. Thank you for being friends. If Tina can’t be my Fake TV Wife, too, I’m at the very least glad she is with such a worthy alternate as Amy. Though, ladies, I am not opposed to some sort of “Big Love” resolution to this situation. Think about it. Tina already admitted you two are working the Oprah & Gayle. I can work with that.

Sight gag

Life needs a blooper reel. Like, say, you’re going about your day and trip on an imaginary rock while walking into the office. Blooper reel! Or you’re grabbing a latte and spill the entire thing on your white blouse while the cute barista you’ve been trying to chat up for a month watches. Blooper reel! Or you walk into your boss’ office hoping to ask for a raise and accidentally call him by your secret nickname for him: Mr. Nutter Butter. That is going to kill in the blooper reel! Sadly, life does not have a blooper reel, but TV blessedly does.

In honor of tonight’s two – yes, TWO – live “30 Rock” broadcasts (East and West coast shows), here are a few very choice bloopers reels. I don’t wish flubbed lines on anyone, but if they must be flubbed let them be this funny.

30 Rock

So many sparrows, and by sparrows I mean flubbed lines.

Grey’s Anatomy

Snorting is always, always funny.

Chuck

Was I supposed to laugh at Yvonne StraHOTski dancing? Because mostly there was just drool.

Fringe

Pacey is hilarious. What? I don’t watch Fringe enough to remember his new name.

Smell Like a Muppet

Not a blooper, just adorable.

Hell, I think I’m just going to yell “Blooper reel!” next time I screw up royally. Couldn’t hurt, right?

Tina Fey Thursday

Look, I know. “Glee” and “Modern Family” and “Parks & Recreation.” Wheee! I love all these shows, I watch all these shows, I laugh like a drunken monkey at all these shows. These shows have a guaranteed “Until I Delete” season pass on my DVR. But my first, my last, my always is “30 Rock.” Even the uneven episodes, even the uneven last season. This show owns me. Tina owns me. I want to take her behind the middle school and get her pregnant. Or at least try really, really hard. She is my forever Fake TV Wife. FOREVER.

So, naturally, I am excited about tonight’s “30 Rock” premiere. And by excited I mean, “If you call me during 30 Rock, I will cut you.” Too much? Well you’re just lucky I didn’t say “shoot you,” instead. The show continues to be an oasis of witty, urbane, goofy, smart and relevant writing.

With the premiere comes delightful Tina Fey late-night talk show appearances. Earlier this week she was on with her former Weekend Update co-host Jimmy Fallon. And my gal explained those delightful Drunk Tina shots from the Emmys after parties. You know, the ones where she and Amy Poehler were making a Jon Hamm sandwich on the dance floor. Yeah, you know the ones. On Fallon she lovingly referred to it as “The Night of the Drunk Moms.” (International folks can see it here.)

God, what I wouldn’t have given to be a fly on that wall. Amy’s pregnancy rack. Tina’s fake ponytail. Don Draper encouraging alcoholism at every turn. I want to go to there, times infinity. (Also, don’t worry fidelity lovers, that’s Jon’s longtime girlfriend and Jessica Stein herself Jennifer Westfeldt in the bottom right of the last picture. She, apparently, likes to watch.)

You may recall the Tina leaving for the limo paparazzi video as well. A refresher:

Oh, Tina, I love you even more now for clarifying that last bit. It’s so much more amazing knowing she also said, “Why are you filming me? Did I fuck Ray J in a video?” Like I was saying, I love her. I will never not love her. Also, don’t call me at 8:30 p.m. tonight. I’m on an unbreakable, unendingly awesome date.

Remote control

Fire up your DVRs kids, it’s TV watching time. Fall shows start returning tonight and my little TV-loving heart couldn’t be more pleased. Per usual, there will be a major log jam on Thursday nights. When you have to resort to four different recording/viewing methods in a two-hour span, you have to think the TV gods are just fucking with you. There are other nights of the week, people. Spread the love. Speaking of love, the only thing more fun than watching TV is comparing notes with other TV watchers. So, let’s see it. I’ll show you my fall schedule if you show me yours.

Vampire Diaries, tonight, CWI might be the only person here who let out a little squeal when Nina Dobrev jumped out like a cat to join the big Emmy opening number. She is lovely as nice human girl Elena, but bring on the year of the Kat. I’m a sucker for badass vampire chicks. Sucker, see what I did there?

Nikita, tonight, CWMy, Maggie Q, what stretchy stretchy pants you have. Suddenly, Q is my favorite letter in the alphabet.

House, Sept. 20, FoxI stopped watching last season. And Olivia Wilde isn’t even going to be around for much of the beginning of this year. But I still included it because it totally looks like Thirteen is copping a feel of Cuddy’s ass.

Chuck, Sept. 20, NBCHow come I never get seated next to someone who looks like Yvonne StraHOTski?

Glee, Sept. 21, FoxJane Freaking Lynch. Enough said. OK, fine, also Brittana.
Now, really, enough said.

Criminal Minds, Sept. 22, CBSI can’t believe they’re getting rid of A.J. Cook. But her love of Paget Brewster will live on forever in femslash.

Modern Family, Sept. 22, ABCI don’t know if Sofia Vergara and Julie Bowen ever got over their feud, but I also don’t care as long as they keep bringing the LOLs. And the Hot.

30 Rock, Sept. 23, NBCOh, Tina. Hold me.

CSI, Sept. 23, CBSThat little lesbian Justin Bieber is in the season premiere. But Starbuck is joining the team starting in November sweeps. Katee Sackhoff and Jorja Fox fan fiction, please. And if you’re feeling really naughty, Marg Helgenberger can come and play, too.

Bones, Sept. 23, FoxI hate Emily Deschanel’s new bangs. There, I said it.

Fringe, Sept 23, FoxLike House, I stopped watching Fringe last season. But Alternate Universe Olivia Dunham is pinging the hell out of my gaydar.
I mean, that belt.

Body of Proof, Sept. 24, ABCMy hopes aren’t super high for this show, but Dana Delany and Jeri Ryan are at least worth a look. Or two.

Yes, I realize Grey’s Anatomy is missing from this list. (*whispers*) I don’t watch. But I am happy to YouTube the Calzona bits later. And yes, Parks & Recreation is missing, too. But that’s because it doesn’t premiere until midseason. (*single tear*) OK, so, let’s see it. How will you be abusing your DVR – or VCR, if you like to kick it old school – this fall season?