TV, take me away

Right, so I’m watching a lot of TV this season. Fine, I watch a lot of TV every season. But this season I’m watching it with slightly more productive intentions. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m going to be writing SnapCaps (short, snappy recaps) on AfterEllen for “Lost Girl.” The second one went up yesterday. In addition, I’ll be SnapCapping “Ringer” (second one is up today) and “Prime Suspect” (it airs Thursdays, Snap Caps will post Fridays). That’s a lot of writing about TV. It’s tricky writing about new shows because, well, they’re new and as we’re trying to figure them out they’re trying to figure themselves out. So, to summarize, I’m a busy girl sitting on my couch, per usual.

Of course, this being the new TV season, I’m also trying out a lot of show I’m not writing about either. So far I’ve sampled three other new shows: “The Secret Circle” (“The Craft,” but with less goth accessories), “2 Broke Girls” (I laughed more than I expected to, in spite of myself) and “New Girl” (Let’s face it, Zooey Deschanel is the draw here, I could give a flip about her three male roommates). I am on the fence about “Up All Night,” because while I love the cast another show about parenting being crazy really is not on this gal’s big gay agenda. And the reviews of “Charlie’s Angels” are worse than the reviews of “Bionic Woman,” and we all know how well that show went. I’ve also decided against “The Playboy Club” (even with the real and the pretend gay bunnies) and “Pan Am” because even if you put it in a nice 60s suit and beautiful retro dress, sexism isn’t really my favorite thing to watch on TV. (p.s. On that note, I’m glad to hear the makers of “Prime Suspect” have decided to veers away from the blatant sexism in the pilot after this week.) There are a handful of other shows I’m considering adding to my dance card, but considering the returning shows I already watch, that’s a really freaking full dance card.

I guess all of this is a long and somewhat winded (though mostly because I’m out of shape from sitting on my couch and watching all this TV) way of saying I hope you’ll watch TV along with me this season and share your thoughts on all the shows I’ll both be SnapCapping and any other shows that catch your eye. But just because it’s a new season don’t think for a second I’ve forgotten about old friends. Yes, kittens, I miss Jane and Maura, too. But don’t worry. They’ll be back for five more in November. Until then, please enjoy Det. Rizzoli’s new (and very NSFW) ringtone for Dr. Isles.

EDIT: Every once in a while, actual comments get caught in the automatic Blogger spam filter. This usually happens with comments that contain dirty words or are really long. I hardly check the filter, because frankly I forget it is there. But, rest assured, I do not delete any comments (save for obvious spam or blatant hate speech). Also, this post is about scripted shows. Though I did watch DWTS and commented on it quite a bit on my Twitter feed. So follow me there for my thoughts on DWTS.

Give it to me, baby

You guys, seriously. You guys. You probably already saw this last week. But if you didn’t, it’s one hell of a way to start the work week. And even if you did, it’s still one hell of a way to start your work week. This is Sasha Alexander and Angie Harmon enjoying a little on-set dance party for the Angie’s birthday last week. For first timers and repeat viewers alike, it’s certainly something to aspire to in the workplace. Just think how the work week would fly by if we all danced our day away through the office. Oh, Sasha. Oh, Angie. You make me feel gayzzoli all over.

EDIT: Well, shit. I do not know why the video was marked private all of sudden. I hope it’s just a temporary mistake. Until it is made public again, please enjoy this older vintage of Angie Harmon dancing on set instead. It’s still a pretty fantastic way to kick off the work week.

EDIT 2: Embedded with a working reupload of the dance party. Get your groove on.

See Jane...

Really? Really? As our friend Det. Jane Rizzoli would say. My apologies for the tardy (and hardly there) post today. I’m a tad under the weather and working hard to finish up my interview with “Rizzoli & Isles” creator Janet Tamaro, which should post on AfterEllen today tomorrow. So today, if you haven’t already, please enjoy my “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recaps for Episode 1 and Episode 2 of the second season. And, if you’re still hungry for more Rizzles, please enjoy this video which should be subtitled, “All Eye Sex and Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching, All the Time.”

A perfect match

Right, so now I think they’re just fucking with us. Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles at speed dating? Jane and Maura ending up with each other? Jane and Maura being called “a perfect match?” BE MORE GAY, RIZZOLI & ISLES. Seriously. What I’ve always enjoyed about this show is that the powers that be haven’t shied away from the undeniably electric chemistry and unabashed female friendship. Quite the contrary, TNT seems to be reveling in it. In fact after that promo, come on, they’re practically taunting us with the subtext. They’re essentially begging us to make it maintext. Don’t think we won’t, TNT. Don’t think we won’t. Have you seen some of the photo manips out there? Yeah, we’re ready.

Speaking of ready, have you seen the finished use-that-crime-scene-like-a-catwalk promo?

Good gravy, do we really need to wait until July? That just seems interminably long until the return of all that eye sex. Sigh.

Lights, camera, fanvids

One of the most amazing things about this crazy series of tubes we call The Internets is the creativity it can foster. And one of the easiest places to see this creativity in action is still our old friend YouTube. It’s also one of the easiest places to lose four hours of your life getting sucked into a fanvid black hole. But, oh. what a wondrous black hold that is. What has impressed me more and more recently is the quality of the fanvids. Seriously, you guys are getting damn good. Certainly, there’s a lot of just OK and possibly not so great to slog through too when searching for the really great stuff. But the great stuff is freaking great. Sophisticated color filters and cross cuts and dialogue overlays. Take it from a person who just now figured out how to make simple video clips, never mind any of the advanced-level fancy stuff. That takes skills. It’s like watching a whole future generation of cinematographers and film editors and director grow up before your eyes. And, most impressive of all, these hours and hours (if not days and days) of work is done not for the money or the glory – because heavens knows neither is readily attainable on the internet – but for the sheer love of the characters. Fanvids (and its close cousins fanart and fanfic) are fan love in its purest form. Fine, they’re also mildly obsessive. But, Jesus, isn’t all love?

A few recent favorites from a few of my favorite ships.

Brittana/Faberry, “Glee”

See, Brittana and Faberry fans can get along. In fact, we can help each other.

Rizzles, “Rizzoli & Isles”

Rizzoli & Isles as Cagney & Lacey. Just try not to smile.

Emily/Paige, “Pretty Little Liars”

Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t the only member of her household who mixes well with lesbian drama.

Naomily, “Skins”

Another slice of loveliness by the prodigiously talented Rin of Rophy Does.

Willow/Tara, “Buffy”

You never forget your first real ship.

Calzona, “Grey’s Anatomy”

Don’t even pretend there’s something in your eye except big, fat tears.

So, hit me with your fanvid favorites. Let’s see those budding lesbian Spielbergs so someday we can say, I remember when she was just making Brittana fanvids to post on YouTube.

Everybody dance now

I like to dance, but only under certain circumstances. Most of those circumstances involve adult beverages. Many, many adult beverages. I’m not particularly good, but I hope my enthusiasm makes up for my utter lack of coordination or grace. But what I do like is to watch other people dance. It’s all of the sexy and none of the sweaty. Not that sweaty is necessarily bad. Hot. Sweaty. Sticky. Wait, where was I going with this? Right, dancing. As much as I love super sexy dancing (and, I do – see previous sweatiness tangent) I really love dorky dancing. You know, the spontaneous, out-of-context, exuberant kind that isn’t about being in da club (God, I hate the phrase “in da club”) or on a chorus line. It’s just about your body releasing. It’s about joy. Dancing, when done right, is an expression of joy. Our days can sometimes seem an endless series of mundane tasks and rote responsibilities. But, once in a while, we break free and let our limbs follow their own song.

Dorky dancers of the world, I salute you. Now, let’s get down with our bad selves.

Cast, Grey’s Anatomy

This makes me wish I watched this show more. And was friends with Cristina Yang.

Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

Angela’s “Blister in the Sun” dance is exactly how it feels to finally be over a breakup. Exactly.

Dana Fairbanks, The L Word

Dana Fairbanks will forever and always be the queen of dorky dancers. All hail the queen.

Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

But, you’ve got to admit, Liz Lemon is at the very least a princess of dorky dancing.

Angie Harmon, Rizzoli & Isles

There is no better job in Hollywood than behind-the-scenes backup dancer to Angie Harmon. None.

Kat Graham & Candice Accola, The Vampire Diaries

Truth be told, this sort of workout is my total nightmare. I’m the person always jumping left when everyone else is jumping right. But I’m not above observing a class. Ahem.

Callie Torres, Grey’s Anatomy

This isn’t dorky. Just hot. Smoking hot.

So, any favorite dorky dancing TV moments to share? Don’t be shy. Nobody’s watching.

Back where they belong

Is it July yet? Yesterday I sang the praises of another kind of crime drama. One of methodical realism and gripping intensity. “Rizzoli & Isles” isn’t like that, and that’s just fine. Ice cream comes in a lot of flavors and you don’t have to like just one. What I like about “Rizzoli & Isles” is the chemistry – that electric, infectious, playful connection between Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander. Also, super duper gay.

So then it’s been fun to follow both Angie and Sasha’s tweets from the set, and their little behind-the-scenes snippets from the new season. (The season 2 premiere is called “We Don’t Need Another Hero.” They just got the script for the third episode.)

Jane is back:How does she manage to look hot even when getting her hair did?

Jane’s shoe:Angie shows us her suspiciously Doc Martens-like police Oxfords. (It’s not, because I can’t see the yellow stitching. But it’s close enough to draw totally baseless conclusions. Amirite?)

Maura is back:It’s unnatural how adorable she is.

Maura’s buddy:I was afraid they’d hurt the turtle tortoise! in the finale, I’m not even kidding.

But do you know what I really, really miss? Seeing them together. Clearly they are both gorgeous and lovely and talented in their own right. But together they’re like unicorns and rainbows. Awesome alone, freaking magic together. So then, without further adoing, I give you our Rizzles back in action.

July 11 is too damn far away. We want Jane and Sasha Maura eye sex, and we want it now. Though, nice practicing on the camera there, Angie.

p.s. I’m not the only dork counting the days until the “Rizzoli & Isles” premiere. Me & Liz are gonna watch it together with some night cheese.

Just ship it

I’m not a superfan. No, wait. Lies. I’m a superfan of you-know-who. (Hint: Glasses. Bonus hint: It’s Tina Fey.) But I’m not a superfan in the sense of internet superfan fandom. Certainly, I am a fan of a lot of shows and a lot of characters and a lot of relationships (both real and imaginary). But I don’t have entire tumblrs dedicated exclusively to them or read/write femslash feverishly about them or join message boards to gab with strangers over them. I’m not disparaging such activities in the least – far from it. I find that level of devotion and inspiration amazing and one of the best things about the internet. It allows us to create and cultivate the communities we care about the most. It’s just that I come from a time when being a young fan meant begging your mom to buy the latest copy of Tiger Beat and then taping a poster of Michael J. Fox to your bedroom door while secretly starring at pictures of Jennifer Connelly from “Labyrinth” and wanting desperately to stroke her pretty, pretty hair.

So I am impressed and awed (and only occasionally frightened) by the fervor of online fandoms, particularly lesbian fandoms. When we invest, sweet Jesus and Mary, do we ever invest. So in the interest of sharing, I want to know yours. What’s your fandom? Now, I realize, you probably enjoy multiple fandoms simultaneously. This is the 21st Century and we’re all consenting adults – at least in our imaginations. But what is your No. 1, most-adored, most-obsessed about, most-likely-to-watch-YouTube-fanvids-until-3am lesbian fandom? Which lady ship – either canon or subtext – makes your heart race the fastest?

To get the conversation started, here are just a very few of the biggies – both past and present.

Tibette, “The L Word”The lesbian power couple, period.

Naomily, “Skins”I loved them from the first time I saw them; I think I was 12.
(Not really, but metaphorically.)

Calzona, “Grey’s Anatomy”Good women in a storm.

Rizzles, “Rizzoli & Isles”Where subtext meets chemistry and has a big, fat, gay baby.

Brittana, “Glee”BFFs forever, with benefits.

Xena/Gabrielle, “Xena Warrior Princess”They don’t even need a dumb portmanteau.

So, share. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. (Wait, is there a Princess Bride fandom?)

p.s. Dammit, I just realized this whole thing is a lie. I am a recovering Willow/Tara shipper with the Kitten Board T-shirt to prove it.

Think I better prance now

[Image via Prancing Maura]

They’re baaaack! Yes, kittens, the Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps are back. Please express your joy in numbers of Prancing Mauras. I have to say, three weeks after the season finale and I still get a hankering every Monday night for fresh, sizzling Rizzles subtext. But, as your faithful blog monkey, I am here to service your needs. OK, wait, that came out wrong. Or very, very right. Know what I mean? Nudge-nudge, wink-wink. Right, I need to sleep more. Speaking of sleep, it’s a good thing I can’t make fanvids. Because, for serious you guys, if I could I’d never get anything else done ever. Not even sleep. As is, what little sleep I get is being eaten alive by my return to recapping (i.e. those 8 hours of my life I spent obsessing about that single hour of television). But for you, my pretties, it’s a pleasure. Enjoy these (blessedly not made by me, but other more talented and hopefully less sleep deprived people) Rizzles fanvids as an appetizer. And then prance on over to AfterEllen for the main course, the first installment of the Rizzoli & Isles Retro Subtext Recaps.

One Week

Because I get to use the term Barenaked Ladies and Rizzoli & Isles in close proximity.

Everytime We Touch

Because they touch. A lot. A lot a lot.

I’m a Pirate, You’re a Princess

Because Jane is so a pirate for Maura.

Tank Top Tuesday/SGALGG: Rizzoli & Isles

Kittens, do we need to hug out last night’s “Rizzoli & Isles” finale? Why am I even asking, get in here. *hughughughughughughug*

Better? Still no? What about if I combined a very special Tank Top Tuesday with a very special Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals Edition? I think it is only fair after what can only be classified as a really fucking traumatizing cliff hanger. When I said “HOLY FUCKINIG SHIT,” I meant “HOLY FUCKING SHIT.” Of course, we know she will be fine. The show has already been renewed for a 13-episode second season and they’re not going to rename it “& Isles.” So for the long, long, long year that we have to wait until our leading ladies get touchy feely in a non-“let me dress that wound” way with each other again, let this tide you over.

[Click any and all to enlarge the therapeutic T3/SGALGGing]

HUGGING!GAZING!TOUCHING!SHARING THE SAME BED!

DREAMING – SWEET, SWEET DREAMING![Another Photoshop masterpiece by the amazing Bee!]

And if none of that helped, take comfort in the inevitable Dr. Isles nursing Det. Rizzoli back to health fan-fic that will no doubt flood the internet until next summer. Tell the doctor where it hurts.

UPDATE: My Subtext Recap for the finale is up at AfterEllen. Mmm, subtexty.

Rizzles sizzles

[Poster by Bee. Hat tip, kesse.]

I’m going to be honest: I totally love this show. Love. It. It’s not a great show. The writing needs work. The plots aren’t sophisticated. But what it has is chemistry – insane, electric, undeniable, super-gay chemistry. Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander just click. I mean, you could practically hear it the first time they appeared on screen together. *click* Each week, they just can’t help it. The chemistry, the subtext, it bubbles up. That’s what chemistry does, it writes its own story.

And let me be honest again, but it doesn’t bother me if they never kiss. Don’t get me wrong, I want them to kiss. Desperately. Every episode, at least once, I scream “KISS HER!” at my screen. Sometimes I also throw things. But the subtext doesn’t have to become maintext for me to enjoy it. In fact, I don’t expect it ever will. This isn’t really that kind of show, and it certainly isn’t that kind of source material. This is just a pleasant, well-paced cop drama about two smart, tough, charismatic women who solve crimes while making crazy eye contact, touching each other an inordinate number of times and sleeping over in the same bed. Straight girls, go figure.

Almost just as great as seeing the subtext each week is seeing how quickly gay women have embraced – once could even say groped with sweaty, naughty fingers – the subtext. The femslash. The Photoshopping. The recapping. It’s all so delicious and, well, fun. Look, we can get all indignant about the shortage of comprehensive, consistent, high-caliber lesbians shows and characters on television. And we should – we should never stop demanding more and better. But that shouldn’t keep us from enjoying something like this. Heck, even if TV was overflowing with every manner and sort of lesbian show, I think I’d still like “Rizzoli & Isles.” It’s a show that is in essence one big flirt. And, gosh, who doesn’t like flirting?

So it’s with a heavy heart that I look forward to next week’s season finale. Only one more episode? So soon? But, but, we just met. And for me, parting is even sooner sweet sorrow. Not to brag (that’s a lie, totally bragging), but I have a screener of the finale. In fact, I’ve watched the finale. So now I’m going to go all highfalutin media critic on you when I say that the only way to properly dissecting the complex narrative of next week’s finale is to describe it thusly: HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

No, really, I mean that.

Even Rizzoli is having a hard time not spilling the beans about it.

p.s. Since many of you have asked, I’m still deciding if I’m going to recap the earlier episodes from this season. I’m not going to lie, recapping is an enormous pain in the ass. But perhaps, if like with Tinkerbell, you all clap your hands loudly enough my poor nearly dead brain will spring back to life and power through them.

p.p.s. Watching Angie dance around to Austin Powers also helps.

[Hat tip, twotonnelauri.]

p.p.p.s. Yes, Jane and Maura will be back for another, even longer season next year. It was the No. 1 cable show this summer, beating even The Closer. Pandering to the lesbians has its perks.

Love's Labor

Are you working? Well you shouldn’t be. Today is the day we celebrate working by not working. Yay, unproductivity! Like any good North American laborer I’m going to spend today being blissfully lazy, as will my Canuck friends, except they spell it with a “u.” So in honor of Labor Day, a day when we don’t actually have to labor, how about indulging in some sexy videos? You’re not at work so that mouth-breathing podmate won’t be leering at your screen. You’re boss won’t walk by right when things get good. This is the perfect time for a little (tasteful) NSFW YouTubery. I did all the laboring to find the videos so you don’t have to. You’re welcome. Oh, and you’re also welcome for Olivia Wilde up above. And by “you’re welcome,” I mean “don’t swallow your tongue.”

Girls kissing. Automatic pressing of the play button. Automatic.

Amber Heard in the short video “Death of Me” by her equally sexy girlfriend Tasya van Ree. That tattoo on her side, what does it say?

I never watched “Legend of the Seeker.” This was a mistake.

Also, because it’s Monday and because there are only two more episodes of “Rizzoli & Isles” (what, so soon, nooooo!), here is yet another Rizzles fanvid. No, I will not tell you how much time I spent getting sucked into searching for those. Needless to say, I’m glad I had another day to sleep in.

I’m certain these have whipped you into your own YouTube fandom rabbit hole. So enjoy. It’s a holiday after all. You go watch your favorite fandoms, I’ll go watch my favorite fandoms and… wait... hold on. Is that Wonder Woman… running… in… slow motion? So, clearly, we all have to watch this together.

Happy Labor Day, or Monday every place else.

Benson v. Rizzoli: The Butch Off

So yesterday in my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recap for AfterEllen, someone in comments made the very bold statement that Jane Rizzoli was more gay than Olivia Benson. Hey, don’t blame the messenger. But it is quite a question. Which super-gay, non-gay fictional police detective out butches the other? Olivia, of course, has the head start. Still Jane has the fresh momentum. It’s kind of one of life’s unanswerable chicken or egg conundrums. But that doesn’t keep us from trying. So with that I give you a point-by-point breakdown of Benson v. Rizzoli: The Butch Off. Never let it be said that I’m afraid to ask life’s big questions.

Olivia Benson

Hands: On hips
Hair: Short
Belt: Chunky
Jacket: So many buttons

Jane Rizzoli

Hands: In pockets
Hair: Lustrous
Belt: Chunkier
Jacket: So Miami Vice

Her Gun

Benson: Points for aim.
Rizzoli: Points for forearms.

Her Girlfriend

Benson: Alex Cabot

Pros: Looks great in a suit, looks great in glasses, would make out with Tina Fey on request.
Cons: Will probably bail on date night by faking her own death.

Rizzoli: Maura Isles

Pros: Looks great in a dress, looks great in a bodysuit, would tell you the Latin root to every word in the dictionary on request.
Cons: Will probably offer you food from the dead fridge.

So, ladies (and discerning gentlemen), who takes it? Who is television’s gayest lady cop? And remember, this is so posterity, so be honest.

Rizzoli & the Isles of Lesbos

Hey, did you catch that show last night where, yes, there was some sort of horrible murder happened but mostly it was just a chance for Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander to insanely flirt with one another? I know I did. And I know many of you did, too, because you all joined in on the #RizzKissedAGirl live tweet-up of the Very Special Lesbian “Rizzoli & the Isles of Lesbos” episode last night. I’ve made a full, exhaustive recap of all the intense eye contact, ridiculous rack ogling and disappointingly chaste neck nuzzling over at AfterEllen today. But, as promised, I’m going to let your own tweets help tell the story.

So, how gay was the episode you ask? I’ve give it one tick below a full-blown Jane Lynch.Having Maura and Jane double-date is clearly just an excuse for them to play footsie under the table.Straight women go to the bathroom in pairs to talk about girls. Gay women go to the bathroom in pairs to make out.Well this is just a true fact.She is whispering it because she doesn’t want people to know about the one they used together last night. Clearly.Well, that or the profile picture they’re using to make them look like Angie Harmon is actually from 1993.If they do, I need to start getting friendlier with more straight girls.Again, just a true fact.This is just what I’d call a happy accident all around.See, this is why you always go straight for the mouth, people. You never know when your hot date could be surreptitiously trying to collect your DNA.Oh, and one more thing, courtesy the lovely Feromoon. This, my friends, is what I’d call a genuine “come to Jesus” moment.