Sodium content

So the marketers of “Salt” have a new digital campaign meant to pique interest in Angelina Jolie’s new spy thriller. But try as they might, all they seem to be accomplishing is to make me worry about my sodium intake. “DON’T TRUST SALT!” “SALT MUST DIE!” “SALT KILLS!” Am I the only one who has a sudden urge to look into high blood pressure medications? Also, call me paranoid, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Mrs. Dash is behind all of this.

Look, I know they’re trying to be all mysterious. I know they want to build buzz. But come on, they’re missing the biggest marketing advantage this movie has. Hello, your movie star is Angelina Jolie. No one cares about Salt, except possibly the Surgeon General. Everyone cares about Angelina Jolie, except possibly Jennifer Aniston. Just plaster her face all over posters and be done with it. Show her with a gun. Show her kicking ass. Show her with blonde hair. Show her with black hair. Just show her. She’s Angelina freaking Jolie.

I would even prefer slightly off-center, OCD-triggering Angelina Jolie to no Angelina Jolie. Unless, of course, I’ve misunderstood the entire film’s premise and this is really a probing expose of the Morton Salt Girl. Why is she carrying an umbrella while spilling salt? Is the salt some sort of chemical weapon? Is she a terrorist? Oh my god, SALT DOES KILL!

Though, now that I think about it, Angelina in a movie about the Morton Salt Girl, now that’s a movie that screams Oscar. The unwanted water retention alone would nab her a nomination.