My Weekend Crush

If femme Evan Rachel Wood could date butch Evan Rachel Wood, I think they just might make the hottest lesbian couple on the planet. I mean, come on, look at them. Evan debuted her new short crop at the “True Blood” premiere this week to the delight of gay ladies everywhere. She paired her new dapper do with some tailored men’s wear and a cocksure attitude, which is practically a guaranteed formula for weak knees.

There’s just something about Evan Rachel Wood. There always has been, from the moment sensitive Jessie Sammler first realized she may like girls, and kissed one, I knew. She’s different – and not just in that “I used to date Marilyn Manson”-way. She’s different because she never seemed to want to be the next Julia Roberts. She never seemed too concerned with box office potential or landing the next big blockbuster franchise. Yet she still did good work. From “Thirteen” to “The Wrestler” to “Mildred Pierce” and now “True Blood,” she has a knack for finding her own way and making it shine. You want to follow her career because you know it’ll be interesting. It has to be, just look at her – especially in her vest and slacks.

Now you truly believe what she told the Esquire interviewer earlier this year when she came out as bisexual – that the North Carolina gentleman comes out in her when she’s with a woman. “I’m the dominant one. I’m opening the doors, I’m buying dinner. Yeah, I’m romantic.” Honey, you can buy me dinner anytime. Happy Pride Weekend, all.

We got Wood

So Evan Rachel Wood likes girls. And boys. And even Marilyn Manson. (Rim shot!) Evan’s coming out as bisexual in the pages of Esquire magazine this week has caused the expected flurry of headlines that usually accompany such an announcement. That it isn’t a cover-of-Time worthy event anymore is, I think, a good thing. The days when such announcements made the cover of People magazine just might be over – at least for the everyday celebrities. I mean, I’m sure if Oprah decided to make such a proclamation she’d still warrant a cover, of course she’d use the cover of her own magazine. She’s not a gagillionaire for nothing.

Evan’s coming out came via the pages of Esquire accompanied by another one of her now patented 40s pin-up meets goth queen photoshoots. Pale skin plus naughty lingerie is never a bad idea. But something about it feels a little like playing up to the ultimate male fantasy. As if to wink and say, “She likes boys and girls, boys.” (That is not meant as a slam on bisexuals in any way, merely a comment on the magazine’s selling of the story.) Or perhaps I’m just jealous Esquire got to have both Ellen Evan and Heather Morris sex it up in the same issue. Still, it’s always, always, always lovely to have another star join our big, weird family. Though what’s in the water over there at “True Blood?” First Anna Paquin, now Evan. Good gravy, how I wish Sookie and Queen Sophie-Anne could have been a couple instead of Beeeel.

Evan apparently dropped three “hints” to the Esquire interviewer before he fully caught on. The first that she “was always into very androgynous things. Guys, girls ... I’m into androgyny in general.” The second she is free and single these days and “up for anything. Meet a nice guy, meet a nice girl.” And then the last was that she would marry her “Mildred Pierce” co-star Kate Winslet is she could. Though, that’s not really much of a hint. Get in line, sister. Everyone would marry Kate Winslet if they could. Once the interviewer finally clued in and asked her if she dated women, she answered with a proud “Yes.”

ESQ: “Do you look for different things in men than in women?”
ERW: “Yeah, I’m more kind of like the guy when it comes to girls. I’m the dominant one.” It’s with women, she says, that her inner North Carolina gentleman comes out: “I’m opening the doors, I’m buying dinner. Yeah, I’m romantic.”

I’ve always admired Evan’s work. She had basically grown up right in front of our eyes. From “Once and Again” to “Thirteen” and “Across the Universe” to “The Wrestler,” I’ve always admired that she tends to picked smaller, smarter projects instead of, say, a superhero’s girlfriend. So welcome to the fold, darling. I know you like to pick up the check, but today the first round is on me. In fact, I’ll buy you two. The second one if for that beautiful scene between Jessie and Katie in “Once & Again.” It moves me still.

Gender Fuck Thursday

There is no one way to properly gender fuck. In fact, it’s the variation that makes it so terribly delicious. Who says you need to wear a tie? Or a jacket? Or even pants? Wait, I think I’m getting off track here. What it’s really all about is owning your look and looking damn good no matter what you’re wearing. Sure, we can’t all look as flawless as Katharine Hepburn in a full suit and hat. But these ladies sure do their part fucking with gender in their own special way.

Billie Piper in suspenders
Winona Ryder in a smoking jacket
Evan Rachel Wood in a uniform
Zhang Ziyi in an Annie Hall
Pink in a vest
Melanie Laurent in no jacket
Piper Perabo in no tie
Drew Barrymore in no shirt
Sofia Coppola in an untied tie
Julie Andrews in a neatly tied tie
Gemma Arterton in a tuxedo
Keeley Hawes & Rachael Stirling in full tux, tails & top hat

Ah, yes, variety is truly the spice of gender fuck.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Dude, I have been all serious issues are serious with my posts this week. I blame the switch to Daylight Savings Time. Dark skies, dark thoughts. So, I think it’s time again for a little unapologetic (yet respectful and, um, empowering) objectification. And you know my absolute favorite thing to objectify after Tina Fey and women in tank tops? Yep, ladies in suits. Those sharp tailored lines against those gentle swooping curves is just too delicious to ignore for too long. In fact, I feel terribly remiss for not having posted a GFT since, gasp, September. And here we are entering into the winter months and everything. So grab a nice warm jacket, preferably with a lady still inside it, and let’s wrap ourselves in some happy. P.S. If she has a kick-ass wristcuff like Isabelle Huppert above, all the better.

Evan Rachel WoodNormally I would always recommend wearing pants with your jacket, but not today.

Aubrey Plaza“Parks & Recreation” finally returns to NBC at 9:30pm Jan. 20, followed by “30 Rock” at 10pm. Amy & Tina are together again, plus more April, more Ron and more Pawnee! Whee!

Winona RyderIf you had a crush on Winona in the 90s and you know it, clap your hands.

Janelle MonaeIf I looked this good in a tux, I’d wear one every day, too.

Jennifer Jason LeighHey, Leighton and Minka, you’ve got nothing on this Single White Female (even though I don’t think she is actually single, but that ruins the joke).

Tilda SwintonObligatory.

Katharine HepburnEven more obligatory.

Wool suit season, welcome back.

Bite Me

I have a thing for vampires, this is no secret. The fangs, the biting, the immortality. That’s one sexy combo. It helps that lady vampires are being portrayed right now on screen – both big and small – by some very attractive actresses. So with Halloween approaching, I thought we’d pay tribute to these toothsome talents. But why mindlessly ogle when you can make it a cutthroat competition? Let’s sink our teeth into the beautiful bloodsuckers from the three biggest vampire series out currently (“True Blood,” “The Vampire Diaries” and the “Twilight” saga) and see which group tastes the best.

TRUE BLOOD

PamHot, blonde and into chicks.

Sophie-AnneHot, ginger and into chicks.

JessicaHot, ginger and not into chicks, but I would happily spend an eternity trying to convert her.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

KatherineEvil, but has a good doppelganger so, you know, kind of the best of both worlds.

CarolineI like her so much better as a vampire than a human, is that wrong?

IsobelWe all knew Jenny Schecter was a vampire already, this is just more upfront about it.

TWILIGHT

Esme and Alice CullenDoes the fact that they’re not really mother and daughter makes it any less creepy that I think they make a nice looking couple? OK, still no.

RosalieI’m just going to say it, I don’t like Nikki Reed as a blonde.

JaneDoes the fact that her character is, like, 1,000 years old make it any less creepy that she is actually 16? OK, still no.

So, which lady vamps do it for you? Who sucks the least, figuratively? Or the most, literally? Yes, I know I went there with all the bad puns. Bite me.