It gets Glee

I know it’s only the second episode, but man is “Glee” better or what? Look, I’ve always loved “Glee.” For all its flaws, and there were many, it still made me grin and glow and generally feel giddy with its best of intentions every week. Also its jazz hands, I’m a sucker for jazz hands. But there have been problems. Continuity. Characterization. Crazy-ass storylines. And then they went and got themselves a real roomful of writers and promised to do better. And, if last night’s episode is any indication, they have. It got better.

First, we’ve got continuity. Quinn’s pregnancy – yeah, it happened and there was a real baby and real repercussions and real feelings. Who thought that storyline was every coming back after last season? Shelby returns. Puck is more than a haircut. The music serves the story. It’s so, well, refreshing.

And then there’s Brittany. Sure, she’s always funny. But making her just an empty-headed dumb-dumb wasn’t. Now she’s still Brittany, but with all that heart and the undeniable wisdom that brings. She’s adorably clueless, but not stupid. That’s important. It’s so, well, refreshing.

Finally, the characters are actually driving the story. Not the special guest stars (though Idina Menzel was indeed very special), or the musical numbers extravaganzas (though they were extravagant, they made sense) or the After School Special Messages (though I would have killed to have a unicorn-themed after school special growing up). It was the characters that made this episode so good. Kurt’s desire to be seen as more than The Gay. Puck’s desire to be more than a deadbeat dad. Finn’s desire to be a better dancer, and ambivalence about leaving Lima. Rachel’s desire to be, you know, Rachel. And best of all, none of this is seems to be happening in a vacuum like before, never to be mentioned again. It’s so, well – you know. REFRESHING.

Now I know the Achele/Faberry fans may not necessarily agree, but making Quinn the villain this season is pretty fucking brilliant. Because that means she is the one with the big redemption storyline this season as well. Also, Dianna Agron is delicious when she is bad – even without the pink hair.

Don’t worry, I didn’t forget Brittana. Sure, it’s moving slowly. But it’s moving. And it feels natural. The sweetness, the respect. OK, fine, I too screamed “NOW KISS!” at my screen. But I’ll take more of this any day over the whiplash characterizations we sometimes saw last season. And Kurt Locker is a very worthy addition to the Brittana Locker Chronicles.

You’re damn right she’s the unicorn, or bi-corn. Welcome back, “Glee.” I’m starting to believe in your magic again. Oh, and Brittany S. Pierce for President, y’all.

Back beat

At last, our long national nightmare is over. “Glee” is back. Kidding, kidding. I’m not that crazy. But, I won’t lie – I did miss me some “Glee” this summer. For all of its silliness, continuity issues, gay-girl storyline blue balling and the rest, this damn show still makes me smile like an idiot each week. And, with a full writing staff for the first time and a repeated promise to go “back to basics,” perhaps this season could finally reign in the series’ promise and deliver something that is consistently gleeful. Baring that, can Brittany and Santana please, please, please have a sweet lady kiss. Do not make all us Brittana shippers go go all Kanye meme and scream “Ryan Murphy doesn’t care about lesbians!” at our TVs.

But when those kids sing and dance, I can’t help it – my heart does a little flip. Or perhaps that heart palpitation is being caused by the return of the Cheerio streamer skirts. Brittany and Santana dancing together on tabletops? Hello, fan-fiction sprung to life.

Despite the new school year, “Glee” has already returned to some of its old ways. Like its insane habit of releasing 1,000 preview/clips before the actual episode. Though, when it’s as pretty in pink as Quinn returning to the hallways of McKinley High, you will hear not even the smallest peep of complaint from me. (WARNING: Spoilers for the first episode and also likely to cause an immediate Dianna Agron Sex Riot.)

Right. So. Yeah. Hello, “Glee” Season 3 – my body is ready.

Tank Top Tuesday

You know how that Tuesday after a vacation can be even worse than the Monday after a vacation because Tuesday is the day it actually sets in that, “Dammit, I’m really going to have to be here all week.” So, naturally, I’ve turned to tank tops to soften the blow. Oh, tank tops. You never fail me.

Maria Bello

I don’t love the promos for “Prime Suspect,” but I do love Maria. So, you know, sold.

Heather MorrisI am suddenly irrationally jealous of that volleyball net, and that pole. Possibly the sand.

Lynn ChenSure, we’re all still in love with Michelle. But of course we fell for Lynn, too. She taught us to fall, after all.

Gillian AndersonScully is working on her fitness. Your argument is invalid.

Rashida JonesIf I promise to keep posting pictures of Rashida in a tank top, will you promise to watch “Parks and Recreations?”

Katie McGrathYou can’t really see much of her tank top here. I’m surprisingly OK with that.

Annie LennoxThat amount of cool should be bottled and sold in stores.

Missy PeregrymI have long forgotten the plot of “Stick It,” but I will never forget those abs.

Joanne KellyHave you ever wondered what a young Agent Myka Bering would look like in a tank top by a campfire? Well, now you know.

I've gotta Glee

OK, I admit it. I miss “Glee.” It has been gone for so long now. It’s been three whole months and there are still more than three weeks until it’s back. Sure, there were fun “Glee” diversions this summer. Dianna Agron wore that T-shirt that made the world (i.e. every single tumblesbian) explode. Naya Rivera and Heather Morris shared an on-stage kiss. The “Glee” movie bombed – despite the glory that was Heather and Naya gyrating in 3D. And we learned that basically the entire cast was definitely leaving after this season, or definitely not leaving, or getting a spin-off, or never getting a spin-off. In other words, same Ryan Murphy, different shit.



Since they released the first new promo for Season 3,I’ve felt the pang. I miss those adorable Glee kids, I really do. I have no idea what this season will bring. If the addition of the show’s first real writing staff (including two real, live women – one a lesbian even) will make a difference for the better. We can only hope that it does. But regardless, what I miss are the actors and their characters themselves. What is indisputably the hardest-working cast in Hollywood (they sing, they dance, they act, they go on tour) is what makes the show for me. And, of course, The Gay. Man, I miss The Gay. Give us Brittana and Faberry, Season 3, or give us a death by slushie. Though, even if they don’t, there are always the shipper vids. We love you, shipper vids.

p.s. Murder is bad. But Google sure is helpful.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Gay It Forward

Right, so sometimes the lovely ladies who gay it forward wear suits instead of tank tops. Which is fine by me. I’m equal opportunity when it comes to my preferred lesbian attire. And I can’t think of a better subject to lead the way than Carla Gugino. She’s had more lesbian and lesbianish scenes than the cast of “The L Word.” Granted, the movies are largely of questionable quality. “Jaded,” “Rise: Blood Hunter,” “Center of the World,” “Sin City,” “She Creature.” They’re not exactly “Citizen Kane.” But, you know, A for effort. Though I really think we should get a petition going to finally put Carla in a good lesbian movie. It’d be a crime to let someone who looks that good in a suit go to waste. A damn crime.

Jaime MurrayIf Myka saw this you know she’d throw herself at HG, non-corporeal form or not.



Jordana BrewsterIf you ever want to find the lesbians in a crowd, just yell the name “Lucy Diamond” and see whose heads swivel faster than you can say “D.E.B.S.”



Amy AdamsWhile I’ve never seen the rest of “Standing Still,” I will admit to watching one particular scene more than once.



Chloe SevignyI have no idea what’s going on with the strange face kerchief. But seeing her in a jacket gives me warm fuzzies about her uber butch hottie in “If These Walls Could Talk II.”



Christina HendricksI kept the “Without a Trace” where she played an agoraphobic lesbian on my DVR for an unusually long time.



Kristin Scott ThomasI know, I’ve been on a bit of a KST kick of late. But with “Love Crimes” coming up and “Tell No One,” “Bitter Moon” and that scene in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” where she said she was a lesbian once in college all in the bag, can you really blame me?



Heather MorrisIt’s Brittany, bitch. And I have a lot more to say about her over on AfterEllen a little later today.



Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu and Drew BarrymoreIt’s the hat trick of lesbian kisses with Cameron in “Being John Malkovich,” Lucy in “Rise: Blood Hunter” and the “Ally McBeal” kiss heard around the world and Drew in “Poison Ivy.” With that track record it’s amazing they didn’t work in a threesome kiss in “Charlie’s Angels.” Well, there’s always the new TV show.



Sasha AlexanderDr. Maura Isles wearing Det. Jane Rizzoli’s clothes? I’ll be in my bunk, possibly forever.

p.s. Maura is totally checking out Jane’s ass in her dress here.

Tank Top Tuesday

You know what’s nice to wear when sailing on a ship? Tank tops. You know what’s nice to see when talking about lesbian “ships?” Tank tops. Life has this beautiful symmetry to it sometimes. Today, in honor of some of our favorite gay lady relationships on TV (maintext, subtext & just the voices in our head varieties), how about a little friendly couple competition? Which pair wears it best? And, to get even more cutthroat, which partner in each pairing wears it best? Total lezzer tank top supremacy awaits, ladies. Choose wisely.

Naya RiveraStill No. 1 in our hearts, minds and pants.

Heather MorrisStill No. 1 in Santana’s heart, mind and pants.

Anna SilkIf you haven’t watched “Lost Girl,” I actually pity you.

Zoie PalmerDr. Hot Pants should always pair them with a tightly fitted tank. Always.

Sara RamirezTank scrubs, think about it Seattle Grace.

Jessica CapshawReally, really think about it Seattle Grace.

Lily LovelessLily, a pint and that smirk – it’s all a growing girl needs to survive.

Kat PrescottThough, of course, a daily supplement of Kat couldn’t hurt either.

Lea MicheleNow this is entirely different kind of “bait girl” look. I approve.

Dianna AgronWearing a tank top is basically the same thing as wearing a “Likes Girls” T-shirt, no?

Angie HarmonThis season on “Rizzoli & Isles,” in addition to wanting more eye sex we should all demand more tank tops.

Sasha AlexanderIsles being a Rizzoli is both confusing and hot. So. Fucking. Hot.

Man, life is just one tough decision after another.

Live Glee Girls

I’ll tell you one thing, you can’t say those “Glee” kids don’t work hard for their fame. They film an hour-long TV show, which in itself is a lot of work. But on this hour-long TV show they are also required to learn and sing songs, learn and execute choreography and, of course, learn and perform their lines each week. And then, when the season is over, they don’t get off to Aruba like most celebrities for three months of uninterrupted strawberry daiquiri sipping on a private island. No, instead they go out on tour for almost two months. And going on tour requires they sing songs, learn choreography and perform their asses off night-after-night in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of screaming fans. I hope these guys are getting paid overtime and then some because that is a lot more work than the average TV star puts into his or her profession. Oh, and did I mention the tour is also going to be turned into a 3D movie? Seriously, by the time they leave “Glee” I hope every single cast member has made enough money to buy his/her own private island.

“The Glee Live! In Concert!” (their exclamation points, not mine), kicked off on Saturday in Las Vegas. It’ll run until July 3 (ending with dates across the pond for you UK Gleeks). And already there are breathless reports from fans about who danced when to what. And video, lots of delightfully shaky, enthusiastically joyous video. And, because I care, I’m happy to share them with you without even charging a service fee.

Heather Morris, “Slave 4 U”

My life can now be split into two distinct categories: 1) Times when I am watching Heather Morris dance and I am happy, and 2) Times when I am not.

Naya Rivera, “Valerie”

She ran, backwards, in heels. Also, don’t think I didn’t see you checking out Naya’s ass there, Heather.

The Cast, “Born This Way”

Naya wore the Lebanese shirt. And black knee socks. And tiny, tiny, tiny shorts.

Right, so, clearly in the interest of supporting these hard-working actors and allowing them to continue to practice their craft, I must now buy a ticket to this show.

It’s about the appreciating the arts, people – not seeing those tiny, tiny, tiny shorts in person. Ahem.

Naked Lady Monday: Black & White Edition

Admit it, things seem classier in black and white. So what might look like just a naked lady in color will look like an artistic naked lady in black and white. Such is the power of the monochrome. So then we feel a little better about ogling because, you know, the art and culture and stuff. Just look at Kristin Scott Thomas pulling her best Joan of Arc. That’s not just classy nakedness, it’s historical. Black and white can turn “nekkid” back to “naked.” Wait, is that a good thing? Regardless, a little black and white is exactly what is in order this Monday, to help turn make might otherwise be NSFW into a refined collection of semi-nude portraiture. Or, at least, that’s what you can tell your boss.

Deborah Ann WollI just finished watching season 3 of “True Blood” and Jessica was criminally, criminally underused. Criminally so.

Amber HeardHot. Gay. Hot some more.

Charlotte GainsbourgNo one wears scarves better than French women.

Penelope CruzThe curve of a woman’s back is one of the ways we know we live in a benevolent universe.

Olivia WildeThe round of a woman’s bum is another.

Charlotte RamplingLet’s make it a rule that all women named “Charlotte” need to get naked today.

Rosario DawsonRosario isn’t nude. But she’s not wearing pants either. Totally counts.

Heather MorrisYeah, so no wonder Santana is doing everything she can do to win Brittany back.

EDIT: Whoops, that should be Naked Lady Monday not Naked Lady Woman. Though there ain’t nothing wrong with a naked lady woman. Nothing at all.