Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, Tuesdays. People always complain about Mondays, what with it being the first day of the week and on Garfield’s mug and all. But Tuesdays, Tuesdays are the real killer. Tuesdays are still too many days away from Friday, but without the excusable grumpiness cache that Monday carries. Plus, all the really boring meetings happen on Tuesdays because managers figure everyone who calls in “sick” on Mondays should actually be in by then. Hell, Tuesdays even make Charlize Theron scream – and not in the good way. So that, that’s why we must fight back the Tuesdays with everything we have. Some use a gun, others a sword. I, of course, never come armed without the best Tuesday killer possible: tank tops. Just doing my part, folks. Just doing my part.

Naomi WattsI can’t tell if I’m more impressed by the tank, the shoes or this pose. So I’m going to answer, “Yes.”

Thora BirchWhere’d she go? And wherever she went, I hope she’s still a redhead.

Scarlett JohanssonIf all her contracts don’t have a tank top clause, they should.

Aubrey PlazaAre you still not watching “Parks & Recreation” yet? Don’t make me scold you again.

Maggie QFine, this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it’s got straps and fabric down the front, so I’m claiming it.

Padma LakshmiI miss “Top Chef” so much. And by “Top Chef,” I mean “Padma.”

Gwyneth PaltrowI miss her on “Glee,” too. But on the plus side, perhaps this means fewer Mr. Shue storylines.

Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig, Laurel HollomanOK, I miss them most of all. Not the storylines, per se, just them.

Sara RamirezDo you know how hard it is to find a picture of Sara in a tank top? I give and I give, Internet.

Right, so I think it’s safe to say we totally kicked Tuesday’s ass.

Gwyneth Paltrow

User-agent: Mediapartners-Google
Disallow:
Gwyneth Paltrow

Full Name : Gwyneth Kate Paltrow
Born : September 27, 1972 (1972-09-27)
Los Angeles, California, U.S.
Occupation : Actress, singer
Years active : 1990–
Spouse : Chris Martin 2003–
Partner : Brad Pitt (1994–1997)

SGALGG: Lesbian Oscars Edition

God, did you make it through all 127 hours of the Oscars telecast? Did anyone find James Franco’s personality? Or, better yet, could he have just shared whatever he was smoking with all of us. That way it would have been a much more enjoyable experience for all parties involved. Though, despite the show falling in its desperate attempt to be young and breaking its hipness, there were still some quality Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals moments. I mean, the show’s one conscious host Anne Hathaway herself called it “a great year for lesbians.”

Michelle Willliams & Busy PhillipsBusy was Michele’s date for the Oscars, and they even arrived holding hands. Someone needs to give them a portmanteau tout de suite.

Gwyneth Paltrow & Cameron DiazI can’t tell if I’m more excited by the SGALGGy hug or the arm porn. Probably both.

Sandra Bullock & Halle BerryI will pay good money to whoever has the next photo in this sequence. Kiss her you fool!

Marisa Tomei & Melissa LeoMarisa looks like she’s about to jump into Melissa’s arms. And then, in my head, they do the dramatic lift from “Dirty Dancing.”

Selena Gomez & Taylor SwiftWhile the Bieber kid looks more lesbian, Selena and Taylor make a cuter couple.

Leslie Mann, Emma Stone & Jennifer WestfeldtThe best thing about this picture is how badly Judd Apatow wants to make this a foursome and how defiantly the ladies are keeping it a threesome.

Rosario Dawson & Jennifer HudsonWhat I would not give to hear a “Take Me or Leave Me” duet between those two.

Reese Witherspoon & Elizabeth BanksI’m assuming Reese just said something absolutely filthy about what she was going to do with that finger and Elizabeth approves.

Anne HathawayIf only Anne had hosted with herself and her tuxedoed self, instead of James Franco. It would have been so much more entertaining, and hot.

Lea Michele & Dianna AgronI particularly love how they both look like they’ve been caught in the act. Busted, Achele, busted.

GGALGG Bonus: Lora Hirschberg & her wife LauraOut lesbian sound mixer Lora Hirschberg won for Inception and got a smooch on her way to the stage.

OK, Anne Hathaway, you were right. It was a great year for lesbians, or at least lesbian behavior.

p.s. Check out my full Oscar recap over at AfterEllen.

Seeing (RED)

I have had very involved, very sweaty dreams that did not result in as much wish fulfillment as this picture. Meryl Streep with Penelope Cruz , no check that – a topless Penelope Cruz. Oh, swoon. And they’re making beautiful picture together for a good cause, namely the international (RED) campaign to fight AIDS in Africa. But it doesn’t stop there. Penelope brought a bunch of her friends together (along with the incomparable Ms. Streep), to help her in her guest editing stint of the May 2010 issue of Vogue Paris. I want to go to there.

To be a fly on that wall. I realized, while studiously pouring over the photo, that all of the assembled actresses have played gay except, I believe, Gwyneth Paltrow (though she cross-dressed in “Shakespeare in Love,” for what that’s worth). So that knowledge makes the pairing even more delicious.

How are we supposed to process all the gorgeous in this picture?

(Kate Winslet & Penelope Cruz)

In this picture Gwyneth is working hard to make amends for not having played gay before.

(Gwyneth Paltrow & Penelope Cruz)

This picture is a perfect example of how a T-Shirt should be worn. Seriously, take notes.

(Naomi Watts)

I can’t wait to see her kiss Annette Bening, even if this picture makes Julianne looks like a lost waif in a wind tunnel.

(Julianne Moore)

And finally, this picture just makes me want to hug Penelope for bringing this much pretty together in one place. Also, for not wearing pants.

(Penelope Cruz)

If I must see red this Monday, this is truly the best possible way.